


Talked until you fell asleep (now I'm driving home on dopamine)

by Thatoneloser_kid



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:48:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22974259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thatoneloser_kid/pseuds/Thatoneloser_kid
Summary: Lindsey will admit that she was in a funk.She thinks that Tobin is being a bit too overprotective, but she can admit that after being injured and missing the end of the season, it now being the off season, and the fact she had broken up with Russel, she has been feeling a little down.But this doesn’t mean she wanted Tobin barging into her house at four thirty and forcing her out of bed to go surf.--Lindsey is a soccer player.Sonnett works at the surf shop where she and Tobin go to surf.
Relationships: Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett
Comments: 28
Kudos: 211





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you guys think?
> 
> Tumblr: thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com
> 
> Title from the song the movies by nightly

Lindsey will admit that she was in a funk.

She thinks that Tobin is being a bit too overprotective, but she can admit that after being injured and missing the end of the season, it now being the off season, and the fact she had broken up with Russel, she has been feeling a little down.

But this doesn’t mean she wanted Tobin barging into her house at four thirty and forcing her out of bed to go surf.

“I gave you that key for emergencies.” Lindsey grumbled as Tobin ushered her outside and into her car.

“This is an emergency, you haven’t left the house in a week.”

“That’s a lie,” Lindsey argued. “I got coffee on Friday.”

“Alone,” Tobin shot back. “You can have a twenty minute nap on the drive.”

And she did, almost tumbling out of the car when Tobin opened the door she was sleeping againsy, flashing her that infuriating little grin when Lindsey glared up at her.

“Come on, there’s a shop just down the beach a bit, I’m getting you a new board, a well done for actually coming.”

“You’re so patronizing.” Lindsey sounded like a stroppy child, even to her own ears.

Lindsey was still grumpy when they entered the shack, Tobin telling her to take her pick of boards while she went to chat with the girl that worked there.

Lindsey aimlessly strolled along the short aisles of disorganised boards, not really taking any of it in.

She had been doing that for over five minutes before she was startled out of her sleepy haze.

“This is the third time you have been down this aisle,” a voice said, and Lindsey wheeled around to see a girl standing there with a little smile. “It really isn’t all that interesting.”

Now, Lindsey wasn’t stupid, she was very self aware. 

She had only ever dated men, but she knew she had a thing for girls, she had had a crush on Tobin when she first joined PSG, then Christen when she was drafted to the national team, and there was that girl in high school. 

And there was a girl in France, during the time she was on a short break with Russel, so she knew she was attracted to girls, and, judging by the way her brain seemed to completely short circuit at the sight of her little smile and freckled face, she was attracted to _this_ girl.

That or she was still very sleepy.

She decided to blame it on being sleepy.

“What?” Lindsey asked with a little frown.

“The boards, they’re pretty, but honestly, no personality about them.”

Lindsey was feeling a little blindsided by the sudden conversation that she could only stare at the girl.

“Tough crowd,” the girl said with a little whistle. “Do you need a little help?”

“Sure,” Lindsey hummed, forcing her eyes away and back to the boards. “I honestly don’t care which, I’m not even paying.”

“Would you mind if I chose one for you?” The girl asked with a hopeful smile, and Lindsey really couldn’t say no, so she nodded. The girl bounced on her toes. “Perfect, follow me.”

“Do you own the place?” Lindsey asked as she trailed behind the girl who was entirely too excitable for how early it was.

“Oh, no, that’s Miss Kelley,” she answered, weaving through the uneven shelves and disorganised boards. “I just work here, and sleep upstairs, actually, I like the sound of the waves at night.”

“I can imagine that’s peaceful.” Lindsey hummed, feeling a little dumb by how little she was controbuting to the conversation. “I would imagine the stars are beautiful here at night, too.”

“Aw, yeah, for sure, this place on a clear night is beautiful.” She gushed, turning so abruptly that Lindsey almost barreled into her. Lindsey couldn’t not smile at her bright eyes and excited smile. “And you can just head down to the beach whenever, start up a fire and just have a beer, it is amazing.”

Lindsey nodded dumbly, a little smile on her own pulling on her lips. “I bet,”

“Linds?” Lindsey’s eye’s snapped up, finding Tobin over the girls shoulder. Tobin was watching her with a knowing smile, the girl leaning against the wall beside her watching them carefully. “Picked one?”

“Don’t Worry, Tobs, I’m picking one for her.”

“Bring it back and Em might even give you a costume design.” The girl beside Tobin said with a little grin, Lindsey figured this was Kelley.

Lindsey brought her eyes back to Emily, who was glaring at Kelley. “You design boards?”

“Not  _ really _ ,”

“It’s only her job,” Kelley laughed, giving Tobin’s shoulder a little shove. “We will leave you kids to it.”

“That’s really cool, that you design.” 

“I have the perfect board in mind,” Emily deflected, moving a little further down the row, reaching for a board that was various different shades of blues and greens in a watercolor design across it. “Perfect.”

Lindsey kind of loved it. “Is this one of yours?”

“Yeah, I just put a whole bunch of paint in a bucket and just-” Emily jerked her arms in a throwing motion. “Chucked it on it.”

“I like it a lot,” 

“Thank you,” Emily said bashfully. “Plus, it will totally match your eyes.”

Before Lindsey could react Emily was gone with the board. Lindsey blinked a few times before following her to the front desk where Tobin and Kelley were.

“Guys, this is Lindsey, but you know that.” Tobin said, and Lindsey frowned. “Soccer fans, they were at our last game.”

“Oh,” Lindsey hummed.

“This is Kelley, she owns the place, and the little one you were following around is Emily Sonnett.”

Lindsey gave an awkward smile.

“Getting this one?” Tobin asked, and Lindsey nodded. “Dope, let's head out."

Tobin handed Kelley some money while Emily handed the board to Lindsey, offering her a little crooked smile. "Have a good time."

"Thank you," 

Lindsey followed Tobin out, ignoring the little side eyes she was giving her. 

"So," 

"Shut up," Lindsey cut her off, "I agreed to surf, not chat."

"Fine," Tobin held her free hand up. "Let's go."

They didn't chat much, couldn't when they were out on the water, but they drifted closer after a few hours, Lindsey straddling the board while Tobin was on her stomach, fingers dancing across the surface of the water. 

"I'm just struggling, but I'm okay." Lindsey said after a long while. 

"You're always 'okay', Linds." Tobin said. "You were okay when the coach was hounding you for 'not being pretty enough' in PSG, you were okay when you missed your first camps due to injury, you were okay when Russell was a dick to you a few years back."

Lindsey didn't say anything, she knew Tobin wasn't done, just taking a breather.

"Okay means nothing when it comes to you, Lindsey." Tobin said in a soft voice. "Okay means throwing up after dinner, okay means borderline depressed and aggressive, okay means getting back with a fuckwit who was horrible to you. Okay doesn't mean shit, but you don't have to talk about it, I  _ get  _ it, dude. I've been injured, I know it sucks, but you are going to bounce back, you're coming to the world cup with us."

Lindsey swallowed thickly. "You don't know that."

"I do, and everyone else does." Tobin insisted. "Those four years at PSG hindered you, but since you've come to Portland I have watched your game improve tenfold. You're going to win a world cup with me in the summer."

"You don't know what it was like after you left."

"I don't, but that year I was there was the worst of my life," Tobin said. "I tried to get you to come with me, Thorns was going to take both of us."

"I was terrified." Lindsey shot back with a little more vigour. "You're Tobin Heath, you can be at any club you want, you were top pick out of college, an olympian. I was just a kid who went to France out of high school."

"They weren't playing you." 

"At least I had a team," Lindsey snapped. "It was awful but I had a  _ team _ . And the idea of uprooting and coming back here? To a league that was  _ barely functioning?  _ I'm not as strong as you, I couldn't be the face of that movement."

"You  _ are,  _ kid." Tobin argued. 

"What are you talking about?" Lindsey frowned. 

Tobin looked a little baffled. "You don't see all of those kids in the stands? The ones with number ten on their backs, with your name, the kids that smile when you wave at them, and scream when you score." Tobin said, a little smile pulling on her lips when Lindsey just frowned. "You don't."

"No, I- I'm not like you, or Chris, or Pinoe."

"Yeah, you're the next gen, kid." Tobin said. "You have kids looking up to you, whether you like it or not."

"I don't--I'm not-" 

"Nothing changes, you just have to be you, you're a good role model, just don't think your dispensable, Portland would  _ not  _ be at the level it is not without you."

Lindsey didn't believe her, but she gave Tobin a little smile, one she could tell Tobin knew was forced, but she stopped pushing. "Ready to head back?" 

"Yeah, I'm so hungry," Lindsey groaned and Tobin laughed. 

"Breakfast is on me, kid."

If Tobin saw her glancing toward the shack on the way up the car, she didn't say anything. Lindsey knew she definitely saw the way she smiled and waved at Emily when she stepped out of the shack while they were strapping up the boards. 

\--

As much as she hated admitting it to Tobin, the early morning surf made her feel a little better. 

Which was the only reason she called the next morning, it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact she couldn't stop thinking about Emily.

"Yeah?" 

"Thank you for yesterday, it made me feel better."

She heard Tobin laugh. "You're calling at five am for that?" 

"I wanted to see if you wanted to go back? Before practice."

"Just to surf?" Tobin questioned. 

"Obviously."

"Obviously," Tobin laughed. "See you in ten, kid."

\--

She didn't see Emily for the first hour they were there, but after coming off during a pathetic little wave she clambered back onto her board, flipping off a laughing Tobin as she glanced toward the shack, doing a double take when she spotted Emily standing on the patio area, arms folded on the railing, chin on her arms as she watched them. 

"Dude, be a little less obvious." Tobin laughed. 

"I dunno what you're talking about," Lindsey said, paddling back out. 

"I'm sure," 

Sonnett disappeared ten minutes after that, and thankfully Lindsey had actually managed to catch a good wave and pull off a few impressive tricks, which at least would show Emily that she wasn’t a bumbling idiot who stumbled off her board at the tiniest wave.

“I’m gonna go see Kel, coming?” Tobin asked after strapping thier boards onto the roof of her car.

“Sure, yeah.” Lindsey agreed, tugging her hands through her sea tousled hair, attempting to tame it.

“Playing it coy, nice.”

“Shut up, loser.”

Emily was hunched over a sketch pad, completely lost in whatever it was she was quickly scribblings down, and Lindsey took the chance to just watch her, at least until Tobin slammed her hand down on the counter, making the poor girl jump.

“Jesus, Tobin,” Emily huffed, throwing her pencil at her. “I could have  _ died  _ of a heart attack.”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” Tobin rolled her eyes, picking up the pencil and handing it back to Emily. “Kel in the back?”

“Yeah,” Emily motioned to the back, huffing as she turned her attention to Lindsey as Tobin disappeared through the back. “She’s mean.”

“She really is,” Lindsey agreed, dipping down to rest her forearms against the counter, peering down at the half finished sketch Emily had been working on. “What’re you working on?”

“A custom piece for some dude,” Emily shrugged. “He wants it kind of like a pinup girl, I’m thinking something along the lines of fallout style, but I’m still tinkering with some ideas.”

“This one is really good,” Lindsey motioned down to the half finished piece of art.

“It’s not finished, but I like this one the best.” Emily flicked through five different sheets of paper before pulling out a messy sketch of a pin up girl, sitting on her haunches, wearing a button up that was completely undone. She had her arms up, hands buried in her hair. 

Lindsey had to admit, even with the messiness and it being unfinished, it was incredible. “Yeah, it’s really great.”

“I just don’t know what the colour pallet should be, or what I should add around her.” Emily admitted thoughtfully, tapping the end of her pencil against her lips, and Lindsey was a little embarrassed by how distracted that made her. 

“Uh, what is the orientation going to be?” Lindsey forced herself to look back at the drawing.

“What’d you mean?” 

“Portrait or landscape.”

“Oh, right,” Emily hummed, her eyebrows furrowing into a cute little frown. “I just figured portrait.”

“If you do it landscape you could maybe add a car? Old mustang or something, have her on the hood.” Lindsey offered, glancing at Emily who was staring down at the paper, her eyes narrowed like she was trying to picture it. “I mean, I was never very good at art, so maybe it is a horrible idea, but-”

“No, no.” Emily shook her head. “That’s a good idea, actually. And I could make it green, her shirt, the mustang, give her red hair, a poison ivy vibe.”

Lindsey could  _ see _ the cogs turning as Emily thought up of ways to add to the drawing. “I can leave you to it.”

“No, come. Sit.” Emily motioned to the chair beside her, giving Lindsey an excited little smile. “I could use a fresh pair of eyes. Though, I won’t be great company.”

“I just don’t want to distract you.” Lindsey said.

“You are pretty, to a very distracting level, but when I’m in the zone not even a nuclear war could distract me.” Emily joked, pulling out the seat beside her, looking at Lindsey with that crooked little smile, like she hadn’t just straight up called Lindsey pretty.

Lindsey tried her best to seem entirely unaffected by that fact, thought she could feel her cheeks getting a little hot, so she ducked her head and rounded the counter to sit beside Emily.

Emily started off writing notes on the side of the paper, scribblings down letters that Lindsey had no hope of deciphering.

“You were really good out there today.” Emily commented distractedly, scribbling down an awful outline of the potential drawing. “That bail in the beginning was a little poor, but the waves you caught after that, that was impressive.”

“Thank you,” Lindsey said. “You surf?”

“Not as much as I used to,” Emily said, tilting her head a little to the left as she surveyed her thumbnail sketch, her teeth nagging her bottom lip.

Lindsey found herself staring, her tongue peeking out to wet her lips. “Uh, how come?”

“I got injured in senior year so I stopped going out as often.” That brought lindsey’s attention back to Emily properly, away from her lips.

“Oh,” Lindsey frowned. “I’m sorry.”

Emily shrugged, lifting her eyes of Lindsey with a little smile. “It’s fine. How did you get into it?”

“Tobin,” Lindsey said. “When I moved over she would take me out every other day. Well, she forced me to go, it was the same yesterday, she literally barged into my apartment and told me to get up and get ready, like i hadn’t just gone to bed at two am.”

Emily put her pencil down, resting her cheek in her hand. “Why did she have to force you?”

“I just haven’t really been feeling it recently,” Lindsey shrugged, “So I haven’t been out in a while, and Tobin had no sense of boundaries.”

Emily laughed softly, nodding. “She and Kelley have that in common.”

“Have they known each other long?”

“They met through Christen, Kelley and Chris went to college together.” Emily explained. 

"Ah, okay," Lindsey hummed, leaning a little closer, purely to get a better look at the drawing. "If you're gonna have her on a mustang, maybe add some tattoos?" 

She could feel Emily stare at her for a short while before she looked down, slowly nodding. "Yeah, dude, that'd be perfect." she agreed. "You should come by more often, Horan."

"Only if we have a campfire one night." Lindsey shot back, peering at Emily thought her eyelashes when Emily looked up at her. 

"I'll even bring supplies for s'mores, if you play your cards right."

"Deal," Lindsey grinned. 

"Okay, kid, ready for breakfast before practice?" 

"You can't steal her away now," Emily argued. "She's helping me design."

"I'm not stealing anything, we have to eat before practice." Tobin said,before adding childishly. "Take her out for coffee or something, if you like her so much."

"I don't- shut up." Emily huffed, ducking her head so her face was hidden behind a curtain of hair, so Lindsey only got a split second glimpse at her face, but she was sure she was blushing. 

Lindsey stood and rounded the counter, offering Kelley a little smile before peering back at Sonnett. "See you guys later."

Emily flashed her a big smile while Kelley rolled her eyes. 

Tobin didn't say much of anything until they parked up outside Thorns' grounds after avocado toast. "I'm going to ask you something but you can tell me to fuck off if you want.*

"Okay," Lindsey hummed unsurely. 

"That girl, Adele, right? While we were in France," Tobin looked at Lindsey, and Lindsey knew the answer to her next question was written all over her face. "She wasn't just a friend, was she?" 

Lindsey stared at the entrance to the stadium, chewing the inside of her cheek as she shook her head. 

"Hey, man, she was cute, good for you." Tobin nudged her shoulder, and Lindsey found herself letting out a little laugh of relief, which was so stupid, Tobin was  _ gay,  _ she had a girlfriend, she shouldn't have been this afraid. "You're okay, again, nothing changes." 

"So much changes." Lindsey sighed. "I've only ever dated men, Adele was just a fling, I haven't told anyone that I like girls."

"You don't have to, until you are ready." Tobin said. 

"I know, and I know everyone is going to be okay about it, it's just a big thing that I didn't see the point in mentioned if I didn't have to."

"I get it," Tobin hummed. "Has it just been Adele?" 

Lindsey shook her head. "There was a girl in high school, it only lasted, like, a week, and it was super secretive, she was the reverend daughter."

Tobin gasped dramatically. "Lindsey Horan, did you defile the reverend's daughter?"

"Yeah, at least until he walked in on us at church one day. Found me with his daughter pushed against the wall of one of the confession booths."

Tobin laughed loudly."In God's house of all places!" 

"I feel bad for her, he pulled her from school, moved them to a different state, the whole thing was kinda shitty." Lindsey said. "I've alway felt really guilty about it, like it was my fault. And I know, logical, it wasn't, but but it had always kind been there."

"Nah, I get it, dude." Tobin clapped her hand on her shoulder. "It's  _ not _ on you but I get why you'd feel that way."

Lindsey shrugged. "She's married now, to the son of a political. Which sucks, she was gay, she told me as much."

Tobin hummed sympathetically. 

"Anyway, yeah, girls, I guess, as well as dudes." Lindsey said, nodding her head, more to herself than Tobin. 

"And Sonnett," 

Lindsey was a little embarrassed at the little smile that pulled on her lips, all over a girl she barely knew. "I don't know, she's cute." she shrugged. 

"And gay, and single." Tobin added, laughing when Lindsey glared at her. "It's true!" 

Lindsey rolled her eyes, pulling the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands. "Let's go, before we're late."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's just painting, dude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've decided to make this longer than I had initially planned.
> 
> Let me know what you think? 
> 
> Thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

Christen came to Portland the following week, after spending a few weeks in Mongolia with her family.

Lindsey and Tobin had spent most mornings on the beach, even the particularly fridged ones, they went to the shack after every surf, and Tobin and Kelley would disappear into the back while Lindsey would find herself sitting at Emily's Station, watching her draw, or chatting, or really just enjoying her company, and it was nice, Emily was easy to be around. 

Christen came to watch them practice, and after the session, Kelley and Emily appeared at the dugout. 

Lindsey hadn't been expecting it, feeling a little self conscious all sweaty and red faced. 

"Kelley!" Christen ran to her friend, wrapping her up in a hug. "Is your friend coming along?" 

"Nah, Em's just my ride." She answered, "Out of pure love, of course. She had no ulterior motives.  _ At. All."  _

Christen gave her a look that Lindsey liked to call her 'scolding mother' look, while Emily looked a little bashful. 

"Lindsey isn't coming either," Tobin added, and Lindsey could really hit her right now. 

"We should get going," Kelley said, "Thanks for the ride, Sonnett."

"Sure," Emily said, but the girls were already gone, heading off toward Tobin's car, leaving her and Emily alone. "Busy?" 

Lindsey shook her head. "I'm free for today."

"I'm planning on heading back to the shack and putting the piece you helped me work on on the board today." Emily said. "If you wanna come?" 

"Can we get some beers?" Lindsey asked, and a slow smile pulled on Emily's lips. 

"My kinda girl," Emily said, motioning toward the dugout. "Get you in the car?" 

"I just need to shower real quick." 

Emily nodded once, “See you outside.”

Lindsey showered quickly, giving whoever was left in the locker room a quick goodbye before rushing outside. 

She realised then that she didn’t actually know what Emily’s car was like, but it turned out to not matter, because Emily was sitting on the hood of an old Ford pick up, one she was sure was probably worth a fortune, the sleeves of her hoodie pulled over her hands, and her chin resting on her knuckles. 

She didn’t notice her at first, but when she did she flashed a big smile and hopped off the hood, moving to the passenger side and opening it, giving a playful little bow. “Miss Horan.”

Lindsey rolled her eyes at the gesture, but decided to play along. “Thank you, Jeeves.”

Lindsey hopped into the bench seat, thanking Emily again before she closed the door.

“Is this your truck?” Lindsey asked as Emily put it into drive.

“Yeah, it was my grandfathers, then my dads. Dad wasn’t sure who to give it to, me or my twin. But Emma wanted a new car and I wanted the truck.” Emily explained.

“You have a twin?” 

“Yeah, Emma and Emily, it’s a bit ridiculous, I know.” Emily laughed quietly.

“Identical?” 

“Nah, I don’t think so. Some folk do, though.” Emily shrugged, glancing over at Lindsey, one hand on the wheel and the other on the gear stick. “What about you? Siblings?”

“Big brother,” Lindsey said. 

“Yeah, I could have totally guessed that.” Emily hummed. 

“What’s what supposed to mean?” Lindsey huffed.

“I mean, you kinda scream youngest child, and you definitely come across as someone who grew up with a brother.”

“How could you possibly know that?”

“I’ve heard Tobin talk about you, said you can be stubborn, a little bit of a brat sometimes,” Emily grinned over at Lindsey when she groaned, her head falling back against the headrest.

“Tobin sucks,”

“Youngest kids tend to take more risks, too, and are more fearless, which you also fit under.” 

That made Lindsey frown, the constant anxiety pressing against her chest proved she wasn't fearless. “How do you figure that?”

“Well, you moved all the way to France out of high school, right? To play for PSG? That’s totally brave, and then you came back here when the league was in its infancy.”

“That wasn’t brave, I just didn’t want to go to college and PSG wanted me.” Lindsey reasoned. “How’d you know so much about me?”

“Tobin had taken to talking about you a lot,” Emily said with a little laugh. “You should really have her fill in your dating profile for you, she is, like, your biggest fan.”

Lindsey was really going to kill Tobin. 

“And the brother thing, well, you're tough, that much is obvious, and i feel like that’s something that comes with having a big brother. You are also pretty tomboy-ish, which is a clue.”

“God, I feel like I’m being psychoanalysed here.” Lindsey teased.

“Or maybe I just want to get to know you a little better.” Emily said, glancing over at Lindsey, who quickly offered her a little smile.

“Did you google a list of questions you want to ask me?”

“No, but I will be sure to look up a list of questions to ask when jumping into a new friendship.” Emily said with a playful little smile. “We can have a campfire, some beers and some s’mores, and I will grill you.”

“I’m looking forward to it,” 

They settled on the floor in the shack, Lindsey sitting cross-legged beside Emily, the pristine white surfboard sitting in front of them and a beer beside them. Emily was spinning a pencil around her fingers, eyeing the surface thoughtfully.

“I am going to be of no use to you here, Sonnett.” Lindsey said. “I meant it when I said I suck at art.”

“I don’t have you here for your lame artistic abilities, Linds.” Emily said, setting the concept drawing above the board as she moved up onto her knees. She grinned back at Lindsey. “I have you here for your sunshine personality, of course.”

Lindsey rolled her eyes, playfully shoving Emily. “I can leave if I’m such a bother to have around.”

“I will tolerate you.” Emily said. “But only for the beer.”

“You’re an asshole,” Lindsey grumbled, picking up both beers and moving them out of the way of Emily.

“Hey! That’s rude, I am letting you heat yourself up in my shack."

"This is Kelly's place, and I could be at home, tucked up under the duvet watching greys."

Emily's lips turned up into a teasing little smile. "Yet you're here with me," 

"I must be crazy," 

"Or you like me," Emily nudged her shoulder against Lindsey's a few times. "Go on, admit it."

"Never, lying is bad for your skin." Lindsey shot back, handing off Emily's beer when Emily made a grabbing motion toward it. 

"Well, you must never have lied once in your life." Sonnett said, her eyes not leaving Lindsey's as she took a swig of her beer, and Lindsey just stared back, a little smile on her face. 

Then the moment was gone when Emily put down her beer and turned back to the board. 

"Tell me a story while I draw." Emily requested. 

"Uh, about what?" 

"Anything, make it up for all I care." Emily waved her hand. "I Just like background noise."

"Uh, okay." Lindsey wracked her brain. 

"Don't overthink it, just tell me about your first national team match." Emily said, her pencil already lightly sketching the clean surface. 

"Which team?" Lindsey asked, and Emily glanced at her questioningly. "I played for the under seventeen and under twenties national team."

"All of them," 

Lindsey nodded thoughtfully. "Uh, I was fifteen when I first played for the under seventeen. I played forward that match, I scored twice, against Panama, but I wasn't comfortable as a forward, so when I moved to the under twenties I was moved to attacking mid." Lindsey spoke slowly, watching as Emily quickly and easily recreated the sketch on the board, she wasn't even sure Emily was listening until she spoke up. 

"You play mid on the national team now, right?" 

"Right," Lindsey hummed. "I was drafted for my first match with the national team when I was eighteen, but I didn't become a permanent candidate until I was twenty."

"How come?" 

"It's complicated," Lindsey answered quickly, not wanting to talk about her injury. "But I've been called up since."

"And you've been called up for the world cup, right?" 

"The roster isn't out yet, it will be out at the beginning of November." 

"Well, I'll be watching you win, anyway. It's in France, right?" 

Lindsey had to wonder why Emily seemed to have such an unwavering confidence in her. She could understand it from Tobin, or Chris, or anyone else on the team, but she had only known Emily for a week and a half. 

"Yeah," 

"Will be good to be back, right?" 

"I guess," it wouldn't be, Lindsey was actually somewhat anxious at the idea of going back to France. 

Emily lifted her head, eyeing Lindsey curiously, and Lindsey knew she could see right through her, she could tell something was off. And Lindsey panicked a little, worried she was going to ask questions, but instead she nodded. 

"I think you're going to be an important part of us winning this world cup." she said, giving Lindsey a little smile. "and if you wanna talk, I've heard in kinda good at glistening. Oh, no, wait; listening, I think they said."

Lindsey couldn't stop the laugh that burst from her chest at the lame joke, and it felt weird, she can't remember the last time she laughed like that with anyone. "You are such a loser."

Emily didn't seem to mind being called a loser, looking somewhat proud that she had made Lindsey laugh. 

\--

It took Emily a little over two hours to perfect the drawing, mostly because she kept getting distracted by Lindsey, who kept apologising for being a distraction but Emily didn't seem to mind much. 

"Okay," Emily hopped to her feet, grabbing the tablet from the counter and setting it down in front of them, a digital rendition of the drawing on the screen, this time in colour. "Wanna help me colour?" 

Lindsey was unsure, worrying her lip between her teeth. "I dunno, Sonnett." 

"You can't mess up, if you go over the lines it's okay, I'm just putting down the base colours right now, I will get the airbrush out after."

Lindsey did help, and she had to admit it was kind of relaxing after she noticed even Emily was staying out the lines ever so slightly. 

Come the end, when Emily got up to get the airbrush, Emily was covered in paint, her hands, up her arms, her face, even her hair had paint in it. Lindsey wasn't sure how she managed it, considering Lindsey didn't have a lick of paint on her. 

Lindsey sat by and watched her airbrush, a little over ten minutes into that Kelley, Tobin and Christen came into the shack, eyeing the couple sitting on the floor, maybe a little too close as they chatted about pokemon go. 

"Hey, kids," Kelley greeted, hopping up onto the counter while Tobin leaned back against it, arms wrapping around Christen's waist when she leaned back against her. "What have you been up to?"

"Just finishing off this board," Emily said. "And drank some beer. Lindsey mostly drank beer."

Lindsey offered a little, somewhat tipsy, smile to the girls. 

"Are you staying? Do you want us to drop you home?" Tobin offered. 

"Yeah, that'd be good, actually." Lindsey hummed. 

"Dope, we will meet you in the car." Tobin said, and Kelley hopped off the counter. 

"I'm going to go start the books."

Then they were alone again, Lindsey clambering to unsteady feet. "Are you busy tomorrow?" 

"I'm going to lunch with Tobin, Chris and Kelley, I think. Are you coming?" 

"Kelley mentioned it, but I don't want to gate crash."

Lindsey found herself wiping the paint from Emily's cheek. "You should come, I don't want to third wheel and I don't know Kelley that well."

"I dunno, I'm not really Chris's friend. You play with her, she and Kelley went to college together, she and Tobin, well, you know."

"I understand." Lindsey nodded. "I want you there, and I know Chris would enjoy your company, and I'm off for the weekend, so maybe we could have a fire afterward we all could chill with a few beers."

Emily still looked unsure as Lindsey dropped her hands. 

"Maybe think about it?" 

"Okay, sure." Emily agreed. 

"Cool," Lindsey said. "Bye, Sonnett. Thank you for today, it was fun."

"Anytime, just drop by, I'm usually here." 

Emily walked her out, and Lindsey felt stupid how bashful she felt saying goodbye. Tobin grinned at her but Lindsey ignored her in favour of chatting with Christen about her time away. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?   
> thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

Lindsey wasn't really expecting Emily to show for lunch, she had looked too apprehensive about the whole thing. 

But they were sitting at a little table in the corner of Christen's favourite cafe in Portland, Lindsey tucked against the window on the bench seat while Tobin and Christen sat across from her, both chatting idly while Lindsey stared out the window and just watched the world go by. 

Then a bright yellow Ford truck pulled up, and Lindsey perked up, there couldn't be that many of those trucks in Portland, especially not one with surfboards in the bed. 

Kelley noticed her first, giving her a big smile as she wrapped an arm around Sonnett and pulled her closer, her nose against her cheek as she whispered something into her ear. Lindsey ignored that stupid burning in her chest.

Lindsey figured it was a coincidence that Emily just so happened to make eye contact with her then, a little smile pulling on her lips as she nodded her head in a greeting. 

Kelley had a big smile on her face when she entered, ushering Emily into the booth beside Lindsey before taking a seat on the chair at the end. 

"So, we're having a bonfire, and some food and drinks tonight," Kelley said, "Bring a ball, we can have a kick around on the beach."

"Sorry, I mentioned it in passing and she invited herself." Emily murmured as the other girls discussed what food to bring. 

"It's okay, I figured they would be there, anyway." 

Lunch was nice, but Lindsey felt somewhat guilty come the end, having spent most of the time huddled in the corner with Emily, in their own little bubble, giggling and chatting like they hadn't just spent hours the previous day doing the same. 

Christen, Tobin and Kelley didn't seem to mind, pulling them into conversation when it was needed but other than that just left them to their own devices. 

"Are you busy?" Emily asked as she and Lindsey waited by the door for the rest of the group. 

"Nah, Chris and Tobin want some time alone, I was just gonna go home." Lindsey said. "Do you want to come over? We can start drinking if you want, play some Mario Kart."

"Oh, you wanna test our friendship already. Okay, but just know, I am a pro at drifting.”

“How about we make it fun?” Lindsey said with a little grin, and Emily blinked a few times before narrowing her eyes. 

“I don’t think we are at the ‘strip poker’ stage, Horan.”

That threw Lindsey completely, her mouth opening and closing a few times, unsure how to reply, which Emily seemed to find that funny. “Shut up, I was talking about shots.” Lindsey grumbled, shoving Emily’s shoulder.

“Oh, drunk Mario,” Emily nodded. “I’m up for that, I can bring sambuca.”

“Okay, we will go over the rules when you come over.”

“I’ll give you my number, you can text me your address.” Emily wiggled her finger until Lindsey gave her her phone. “Is five cool with you? Kel wants to start the barbecue at eight.” 

"Sounds good," Lindsey hummed as she typed in her number, handing the phone back. "I can call in takeout, anything you don't like?" 

"Can a soccer star like yourself eat that junk?" 

Lindsey grinned at the teasing, deciding to play Emily at her own game. "You'd be surprised what I can get away with eating," she said in a low voice, which seemed to have the desired effect on Emily, who seemed to stammer over her words. 

Before she could formulate any kind of response the girls came over and they headed outside. 

\--

Emily showed up late, which Lindsey wasn't even surprised about. 

"Foods getting cold," Lindsey said as way of a greeting before leading her into the apartment, where the food was sitting, still in the containers, and Mario Kart was set up on the TV.

"Sorry, I'm not going to make any excuses, I left late."

Lindsey laughed as she fall down onto the sofa. "I respect the honesty."

"I could never lie to you." Emily said in a dramatic voice as she took a seat beside Lindsey, thanking her when she handed her her food.

Lindsey put YouTube on on the switch and they are while watching dumb videos, but they made Emily laugh so Lindsey was content with the mindless autoplaying. 

After eating Lindsey went to grab a few beers and the tequila, handing Emily a joycon. 

"Okay, rules," Emily declared as she sat down cross legged in front of the TV, a little too close to Lindsey for it to  _ not  _ be distracting. "If you get hit by a shell, you drink, when you finish a lap, you take a drink, if you lose, you need to take a shot. Sound good?" 

"Sounds intense," Lindsey said, but nodded anyway. "You're on."

They were surprisingly evenly matched, spending every race alternating first place, but, in the end, Lindsey came out on top with four to three won tournaments, each win only having one or two points between them. 

Emily huffed come the end, throwing her hands up clumsily, already a little drunk. 

"You were pushing me," 

"You covered my eyes," Lindsey shot back. 

"All's fair in love and war, Horan."

"I mean, I get it, I'm too great, you have to resort to cheating." Lindsey teased, her shoulders lifting in a little shrug as she took a swig of her beer. 

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. The great Horan, the bulldozer of the Thorns." Emily said with a little smirk. 

"Should I be offended by that?" 

"Absolutely not, it is very attractive and needed on the team." Emily said, pinning the final shot she had to take before clapping her hands. "I'll order an uber, get me another beer?" 

"Yes, ma'am." Lindsey grumbled as she stumbled to her feet, draining the last of her own beer as she went. 

Sonnett insists that they come up with a "dope handshake just for the two of us, 'cause we are new best friends, Linds", and how was Lindsey supposed to argue with that? 

So they alternate between drinking their beers, trying to come up with a handshake while laughing at some of their lamer attempts. 

Christen, Tobin and Kelley were already on the beach when they got there, the fire set up and barbecue on the go. They were kicking the ball between them, and Lindsey grinned down at Sonnett. "Race you," 

Then she was off, laughing when Sonnett called after her that she was a cheat, but then she started running, too. And she was  _ fast,  _ faster than Lindsey had expected, running past Lindsey and taking Kelley by surprise as she snagged the ball from her feet and moved a few yards away, turning to offer Lindsey a smug little grin. 

"Oh, it's on." Lindsey grinned, running after Sonnett, who was surprisingly good behind the ball, and Lindsey couldn't find it in herself to really fight for the ball, so she grabbed Sonnett around the waist and lifted her up, pulling a little squeal from Sonnett as she was spun around. 

"That's a foul," Emily yelled, laughter lacing her voice. 

Lindsey dropped her on her feet and took off after the ball. 

"Dude, foul," she was looking at Kelley, while motioning to Lindsey. 

When Lindsey collected the ball and turned to the group, Tobin was watching her fondly. 

"All's fair in street football, Son." Kelley shrugged, easily controlling the ball when Lindsey passed it off to her. 

"I hope you don't play like that on the field, Horan." Sonnett grumbled. 

"Come to one of our games and find out," Lindsey shot back, stumbling slightly on drunk feet to get to the ball. 

Lindsey took a seat after a while of playing, sitting beside Tobin, who was minding the food while Christen, Kelley and Sonnett passed the ball between the three of them, trying to stop it from touching the sand. 

"You like her, huh?" 

Lindsey could deny it, she knows Tobin wouldn't push, but she didn't really see the point. "I think so," 

"Are you going to do anything about it?" she asked, slapping Lindsey's hand away when she reached for one of the kabab sticks on the grill, pointing to the chopped pepper on the little table. 

"I don't think I'm in the right head space for that, it wouldn't be fair."

"That's fair," Tobin nodded. "Just don't leave it too long, trust me, you'll regret it."

Lindsey hummed, bringing her beer up to her lips as she went back to watching the group a few feet away from her, Christen and Kelley doubled over laughing and Sonnett looking a little too smug. 

Lindsey found herself watching her as she smiled, and after a few seconds Emily's eyes strayed from the duo in front of her to Lindsey, her smug smile softening 

'You okay?' she mouthed, and Lindsey nodded, wiggling her bottle at Sonnett. 

Kelley bounced the ball off the side of Emily's face then. "Eyes on the ball, Sonnett."

Kelly's girlfriend joined then not long after that, and after a short three aside game, where Sonnett and Lindsey managed to wrangle Christen into being on their team, they settled down around the fire, Christen curling up on Tobin's lab in one of the camping chairs, Kelley and her girlfriend sitting on the sand while Lindsey and Sonnett took up the log. 

Lindsey had pulled on her sweatshirt a while ago, while Sonnett was wearing a UVA hoodie that seemed to be a little too big, but she looked cosy, and in her drunk state, Lindsey couldn't look away. 

Emily had wormed her way under Lindsey's arm after they finished eating, both listening to the story Christen was telling about their company, and Lindsey just held her close, her sleeve covered hands rubbing her arm. 

She couldn't shake how date like this felt, but she couldn't find it in herself to panic right now. 

"What about you, Horan?" Kelly's voice broke her out of her little daze. 

"Hm?" Lindsey lifted her eyes from Emily, who looked obnoxiously cute curled into her side. "Sorry, what?" 

"France? You excited to go back." 

"I mean, I might not be. The roster hasn't been posted yet."

"You are one of the best players in the world, you are going to the world cup." Emily murmured against her sweatshirt, she said it with such confidence that Lindsey actually believed her for a second. 

"I mean, yeah, sure. It will be nice to get out of the states."

Tobin knew she wasn't excited to go back, Christen could probably sense it, too, even if she didn't know why. Even Emily seemed to realise there was a weight to her words, giving her thigh a little squeeze. 

Tobin and Christen left first, Kelley and her girlfriend disappearing into an uber not long after that, giggling like school children, leaving Lindsey and Sonnett huddled together, both enjoying the sound of the waves and the popping of the fire. 

"What are you doing with your month off?" Emily asked and, honestly, Lindsey hadn't really thought about it. She was going home for Christmas, but, other than that, she didn't have plans. 

"Nothing, really. I'm going home for Christmas but that's all so far."

"Wanna road trip to Georgia?" Emily asked quietly, her voice muffled by the fabric of Lindsey's sweatshirt. "I'm going home for a while, but I kinda wanna drive. I don't wanna do it alone, and I figured if you were off anyway you might be up for it, but I understand-" 

"Em," Lindsey placed a hand on Emily's leg, smiling down at the girl. "That sounds really cool." 

"Yeah?" 

"As long as I'm in charge of the music, I can't deal with country songs for that long, dude."

"Hey!" Emily huffed, "You just can't appreciate good music."

"Sure, _ that's _ it."Lindsey said with an eye roll, and before she could react Emily had thrown herself at her, a little squeal leaving her lips as they fell back onto the sand. 

Emily was grinning down at her, obviously pleased with herself, her hands braced either side of Lindsey's head and, honestly, all Lindsey wanted to do was kiss her. 

Her eyes dropped to Emily's lips for a little too long, and Emily's smile loosened, her own eyes dropping to Lindsey's lips. 

"I should probably get going," Lindsey whispered. "It's kinda late."

"You should stay, I can crash on the sofa, saves you getting an uber." Sonnett offered, fixing herself back on the log and helping Lindsey up. 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah, it will be nice to wake up with someone for a change."

"What, you don't have a random girl in your bed every other day?" Lindsey grinned. 

"Horan, honestly, do you even know me? I am a southern gentleman." 

"Yeah, right." Lindsey snorted, laughing when Emily punched her shoulder. 

"I am a gent, you'd be so lucky to see how much of a gentleman I am on a date."

"Yeah? Take me on one sometime, then." Lindsey challenged, but immediately regretted it once she registered what she'd said. 

Emily definitely noticed. "Just say the word, Horan, and I will take you out."

It was an out, a way of telling Lindsey that it was  _ okay,  _ that she would wait, and that made Lindsey feel awful. 

They settled in Emily's bed after arguing about who would sleep on the sofa (Yes, Lindsey hated how cliché they were) the room dark, the sound of the waves crashing outside, and Emily warm against her side. Lindsey can't remember being this content. 

"Son?" 

"Yeah?" Sonnett breathed. 

"I'm sorry."

"You've nothin' to apologise for, bud." Emily assured, and Lindsey  _ knew  _ she knew what she was apologising for. "You've gotta put you first, Linds."

It was exhausting, and Lindsey just wanted to spill everything there and then, but she didn't want to burden Sonnett with it so she bit her tongue. 

"Night, Son."

"Night, Horan."

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think?
> 
> thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

Nothing changed, which Lindsey was thankful for. 

Well, they started spending the night at each other's places every other night, they cuddled, Emily would be the little spoon unless Lindsey had had a particularly awful day. They would talk in hushed voices until Lindsey had to threaten Emily to _sleep_ because Mark had told her she couldn't keep coming to training exhausted.

But nothing  _ really _ changed. 

Tobin smirked at her as they headed down the beach, after watching them do their handshake. 

"You guys have a cute secret hand shake and everything." 

Lindsey huffed, and rolled her eyes. "I hope you fall on a sharp rock."

Tobin didn't, but Lindsey did, taking a huge chunk out of her knee. 

The girls on the beach seemed to notice something was off immediately, Emily running down toward the water while Christen, ever the responsible one, went to get the first aid kit. 

"Dude," Emily murmured as she skidded to her knees in front of Lindsey, eyeing the gaping wound on her knee. "That's a rough one, you might need stitches."

"It's fine, just stingy."

"Yeah, 'cause you've taken off the top ten layers of skin." Emily said, glancing up at Lindsey, who had her jaw tensed. "Let me clean it up, we can decide from there if we take you for stitches."

"I'm fine, dude, it's just a scrape."

"No, your arm is scraped, that is a laceration."

Lindsey hadn't even noticed she had hurt her arm, but after Emily mentioned it she felt like her arm was on fire, scorching from her elbow over her shoulder. 

"Come on, well get you to the shack, sort you out." Kelley offered just as Christen reached them. 

Emily helped Lindsey, giving her a place to lean as she hobbled up the sand. 

When they reach the shack Emily sits her on the counter and kneeled down in front of her, and Lindsey hates that her mind wandered, because Emily is helping her out, she's  _ hurt _ , there is  _ nothing  _ sexual about this. 

"This is gonna sting," She said as she wipes the blood from the surrounding area before grabbing an antiseptic wipe. 

Emily fixed her up as best she could while the other girls stood off to the side, watching carefully. 

"Linds," Emily murmured as she shook her head. "This won't stop bleeding, you need stitches."

"Can't you just do it?" 

"What, with a knitting needle and some wool? No, numbnuts, we're going to the hospital." Emily wrapped up her knee, grabbing Lindsey's hand and putting it over the makeshift bandage. "Press, hard."

Emily drove her to the hospital, after promising Tobin, who was watching her like a worried mother, she would keep her updated. 

Lindsey was more than a little surprised when Emily could fill out the majority of the medical form without asking. 

"You don't need to stay, Son."

"You're only saying that so you can have the cute nurse to yourself." Emily murmured, entirely distracted by the form she was filling in. 

"I'm serious, I can get a lyft." Lindsey said. 

"I'm not leaving you, Lindsey." Emily sighed, suddenly seriously. "I'm your  _ friend _ , dude. I'm staying, however long it takes, then I'm gonna drive you home and fuss over you, make you food and hot chocolate, and order you to stay on the sofa."

"And you'll stay?" Lindsey asked hopefully. "Watch greys with me?" 

Emily glanced up at her with a crooked little smile. "If that's what the lady wants." 

God, Lindsey  _ really _ liked this girl. 

She  _ did  _ need stitches, Lindsey had really prayed she didn't, with her fear of needles. 

Emily noticed her nervousness, placing her hand over her own. "You good?" 

Lindsey nodded. "Yeah, just not a  _ huge _ fan of needles."

Emily nodded slowly. "Did I ever tell you about the time I broke my collarbone?"

That made Lindsey frown, her eyes moving from the local anesthetic the nurse was preparing to Emily. "No?" 

"The neighborhood boys were saying I couldn't win a race up the big tree in the green, I knew I could, I was scrappy, ya know?" Emily shrugged. "So my sister counted us down and the four of us fought over who was going to get up first. I won, used one of the kids as a stepladder, and I got to the top before any of the boys even got half way."

Lindsey took in a sharp breath when there was a sting on her knee, glancing down then glaring at Emily. "You distracted me," 

"I did, and it worked." Emily looked smug, and the nurse laughed softly, telling them he would be back in a few minutes. 

"So?" Lindsey arched an eyebrow expectantly, and Emily looked confused. "How did you break your collarbone?"

"Oh, right. I couldn't get down, so I thought I would jump into the bush, wasn't as cushiony as I thought."

Lindsey gave her an incredulous look. "Why not get your mom?" 

"She told me not to climb that tree,"

"Of course," Lindsey laughed. 

The nurse came back, and Emily told her of the repercussions of her climbing the tree to keep her mind off of it, before driving her home. 

"Thank you," Lindsey said when they were huddled together on the sofa, Sonnett drawing little patterns in her upper arm. 

"Hm?" Sonnett hummed.

"Thank you for today, for being there, for taking my mind off of it." Lindsey looked up at Emily just as she looked down, a soft, sleepy smile pulling on her lips. 

"You're welcome, Horan." she said in a soft voice, giving her a little squeeze. They went back to watching TV, Emily speaking up again after a few minutes. "What happened in France, Lindsey?" 

Lindsey tensed at the question. 

"I mean, you don't need to tell me, obviously, but any time someone mentions it you react like that." Emily moved her hand to her tense shoulder and squeezed. "I've been wondering since that night on the beach."

"I- it just wasn't a great time in my life." Lindsey shrugged. "France doesn't have great memories for me."

Emily nodded. "I'm sorry about that."

Lindsey shook her head. "Sorry, I don't really want to talk about it."

"Okay," Emily smiled softly, not a single sign of resentment. "I'm here, Horan, for anything, at any time."

Lindsey just cuddled closer to Sonnett, letting herself relax against her.

\--

  
  


Lindsey was struggling, with not feeling good enough for the team, both Thorns and national, with the fear that she wasn't going to make it to the national team, with her feelings for Emily, with her own head, and she wasn't really sure what to do about it. 

She wasn't as surprised as she should have been when she opened the door to her brother, who always seemed to be attuned to her, and knew when she was struggling, whether she was in the states or in France. 

"Mikey?" Lindsey blinked, and her brother flashed her that big grin that always seemed to calm her down, holding one arm out, the other gripped tightly onto Lindsey's old, bright pink kit bag.

"Hey, little H," he greeted, and Lindsey all but fell against him. 

He seemed to realise something was wrong, not breaking the hug as he walked them into the house and closed the door, dropping the kit back and wrapping Lindsey up tight. Lindsey was instantly soothed by the smell, even if it was tainted by airplane travel. 

"Everything okay, kid?" he asked, and Lindsey realised then that she was crying. 

She shook her head ever so slightly against his shoulder. 

"Had a feeling it wasn't, ma said you were just busy but you always find time to check in." he said, before patting her back. "Let me shower, kid, then I'll go get some groceries and make my world famous ravioli." 

Lindsey was glad Mike knew her well enough to know she didn't want to have to face him while she was crying. She found herself laughing at the lame joke. "You buy it frozen."

"Sh, little details." he gave her head a few little pats, like her face wasn't red, and blotchy and gross. "Arsenal are playing Chelsea in an hour, I've got my Chelsea Jersey."

She knew what that meant. 

By the time he got back with the food Lindsey was more presentable, having washed her face and changed into her Arsenal Jersey. 

"You're lucky here, dude, it's already snowing back in Denver." he said as he dropped the bags onto the counter, Lindsey hopping up alongside him. 

"Yeah, it only really snows here at the end of the year, or the beginning of the next, if it does at all." 

Mikey cut extra strips on pepper for Lindsey to eat, and grated a little too much cheese because he knew Lindsey was susceptible to picking, and Lindsey could feel her chest warm with a sense of home. 

Lindsey took a photo of them, making sure to get their jerseys in it before posting it on Instagram with the caption 'a surprise guest and great (frozen) food'. 

She noticed at halftime that Emily had commented on it. 

Emilysonnett: arsenal? I'm disappointed Horan, i stand with your brother

Lindsey can't stop the smile pulling on her lips as she hits reply. 

Lindseyhoran10: I used to like you, sonny

When she looked up Mike was watching her curiously, but instead of questioning her on why she was smiling like a smitten teenager down at her phone he held up his empty beer. "Another?" 

"Sure," she agrees, suddenly nervous, anxious to just spill everything to her brother, the guy who had been her best friend before she even really knew what a best friend was. 

"I wasn't happy in France," Mike had barely sat down when Lindsey blurted out the words. He looked a little confused as he handed her her beer, but didn't push. "You had to have a certain image. Good body, nice hair, good skin… a nice dude on your arm. And I had Russell, and that was fine but-" 

Mike waits a few seconds before prompting her. "But?" 

Lindsey took a breath. "There was a girl, Adele, she--I mean we-"

"If this is you coming out to me I kinda know, dude." Mike said with a little laugh, and Lindsey was thrown completely through a loop. 

"You do?"

"Yeah, of course," he said, and Lindsey felt dumb for doubting him, no one knows her better than Mike "You had a crush on my girlfriend when you were a kid." 

"What? I didn-" Lindsey trailed off, thinking back to Claire, with her long, pretty brown hair and beautiful green eyes. "I did, didn't I?" 

"Yeah, dude," he laughed. "You used to always worm your way in between us, you were a total cockblock."

"Gross," Lindsey shoved her brother, who laughed loudly, but quickly sobered. 

"What does this have to do with France?" 

"They, uh- someone found out, they pulled me in and told me I was to stop seeing her or they wouldn't play me. I wasn't invested, anyway, we'd already drifted apart so that was whatever. But then there were comments in the locker room, loud enough for me to hear. And this all happened, then a month after that Tobin transferred and I just- I wasn't in a good place, Mikey."

Mike nodded, watching her carefully. "And that's started again? The being in a bad place." 

Lindsey nodded meekly. "I know it's dumb, I’m in the prime of my career, but-" 

"It doesn't matter if everything is perfect, Linds, you don't have to feel bad about feeling bad."

"I just don't know how to stop it all," Lindsey said, attempting to pull at her sleeves, a nervous habit of hers, but quickly realised she didn't have any. Mikey placed the cushions on her lap for her to hold against her chest. 

"Stop what?" 

"The voice telling me I'm not good enough, that I'll get cut from the national team, then Portland will cut me, that I won't make the World cup, that I'm too big, my shoulders are too broad and my cheeks are too chubby. That I need to start eating less, or that me liking girls is disgusting. That I'm not good enough for her." Lindsey ranted, her breath coming out a little ragged. "I don't know how to stop feeling anxious, Mikey."

Mikey looked like he was close to tears as he placed a hand over hers on the cushion. 

"We both know I'm your biggest fan, and you probably think I'm biased when I say you are one of the best midfielders in the world right now but you  _ are,  _ Lindsey. Watching you out there doing what you love, and doing it so incredibly well, it's awe inspiring, dude, the leaps and bounds you've made since we used to play in the backyard." he said with a soft smile. "And the body issues? I don't really know how to deal with those, you are beautiful, Lindsey, but I don't know how to make what you're thinking better, and I'm sorry for that. And whoever this girl is, I can promise you she'd be lucky to have you."

"It's just all so much pressure," Lindsey pressed her knuckles against her chest. "It won't go away."

Mikey didn't say anything, but he didn't have to, pulling Lindsey against him and wrapping her up in a protective hug. 

It was halfway through the second half when Mikey spoke up. 

"Can I ask a favour?" he said, shoving a few chips in his mouth. "Talk to someone, please? A pro, someone qualified."

"A shrink," 

"A shrink," he repeated with a nod. 

“Sure, I’m going away with Sonnett in a few weeks, then I will be in Denver, but I will do it when I’m back.” Lindsey said, and she knew Mike could tell she had no intention of actually seeing anyone. 

"You aren't gonna get better on your own, Linds. And your job is mentally straining, you need help with that." Mike said. 

"Tobin doesn't, none of the others on the team do."

"You don't know that," Mike disagreed. "Besides, maybe they're wired differently, maybe they don't struggle with this but  _ you do _ . That doesn't make you lesser, or weaker, it just means you're wired differently from them. What makes them struggle probably doesn't touch you."

Lindsey sat quietly, her eyes dropping to her lap. 

"I can't force you to do this, kid." he said, giving her shoulder a little squeeze. "But you need help, I seen you in France, dude, I watched you not eat as much, I watched you struggle and I regret not helping you then. I thought it was just the change, a different country - continent- so young is bound to take a toll, I didn't know how deep it went."

"This isn't on you, you shouldn't feel bad."

"I know, but I'm your big brother, I should protect you from this shit."

"You couldn't have," Lindsey argued. "I didn't--no one knew, not even Tobin, I didn't want to tell anyone."

"You need to get better at that, too. Talking to people, you can't keep with all bottled up, that will destroy you."

Lindsey nodded, and they went back to watching the game after Mike got them a beer. 

"So," He said, taking a swig of her beer and side eyeing Lindsey, a little grin on his lips. "Who's the girl?" 

Lindsey felt her cheeks heat up as she grinned down at her beer. 

"Oh, god, you're gross." Mike pushed her shoulder with a loud laugh. "Like a smitten teenager, it's-" 

Mike pretended to gag and Lindsey punched at his arm as she told him to knock it off. 

Lindsey told him about Sonnett, and she could hear it in her own voice, just how smitten she was, but Mike was watching her with a soft smile, then requested to go for drinks tomorrow with Emily, and the rest of her friends. 

Lindsey felt lighter than she had in months when she went to bed that night. 

\--

They met up at Kelley's favourite bar, and of course everyone took to Mike immediately, all of them laughing at stories from Lindsey's childhood. 

At the beginning of the night she could feel Sonnett keep her distance, probably a little unsure of how to act around Lindsey's big brother. But Lindsey made a point of making sure she knew it was okay, and Mike was his usual sweet self, so him and Sonnett ended up hitting it off. 

"I like her," he said as he leaned against the edge of the pool table. 

"Hm?" Lindsey took her shot, turning to her brother to see him watching the rest of the group, who were currently at the bar ordering drinks, all laughing at whatever Emily was saying. 

Lindsey felt her chest heat up with fondness. 

"Emily, I like her a lot, dude." Mike said. "Mom and dad will, too."

"Do they know?" Lindsey questioned unsurely. "That I like girls." 

"I think we all did. Then you started dating Russell and she figured it was a phase." 

"Were they happy? That it was a phase."

"She didn't really care, we saw how happy you were with the girl in high school, that's when she figured you were gay. All they want is for you to be happy, Linds."

"We're driving to Georgia, then I'm flying from there to Denver on the twentieth." Lindsey explained. "I might see if she wants to come for new years." 

They got drunk, and Emily and Mike seemed to strike up a friendship over fussball, both taking on Tobin and Kelley in a few games (there was a bet made, Lindsey didn't want to know). 

"They can be total frat boys sometimes." Christen murmured, watching as Tobin pinned the last of her drink while Kelley cheered her on. 

Lindsey snorted out a laugh. "Mike  _ was  _ a fratboy."

"Em and Kelley were in a sorority in college." Christen said. "Tobin just naturally oozes fuck boy energy, it's a talent of hers."

"Yet, you agreed to go out with her."

"I know, I'm dumb." Christen said with a playful little eye roll. 

Emily came bounding over then, holding her hand out to Lindsey. "Come on, dude, your brother said he could drink you under the table."

Lindsey had her hand in Emily's before she had even explained herself, allowing herself to be pulled to her feet and dragged off to the fussball table, Tobin giving her a little grin as she walked by, taking up the seat Lindsey had been sitting in. 

Lindsey, of course, drank her brother under the table. 

He might have gone to college, been in a fraternity, but Lindsey had gone to Europe out of high school, she was a sports star, she drank a lot in France, and she was larger than he was. 

Come the end of the night Tobin and Christen had left, Kelley and Mike were hunched over Kelley's phone doing god knows what, but Lindsey didn't care, because she currently had a giggly Sonnett all but pinned against the bar, her arm resting against the wood, Emily with her back against it as they talked in hushed whispers. 

Sober, Lindsey probably would have freaked out, ran before it even got this far, definitely wouldn't be standing with less than an inch separating them, but she wasn't sober. She was about three shots and a few drinks  _ past _ sober, and Emily looked cute with her alcohol red cheeks and crooked little smile, Lindsey couldn't take her eyes off of her. 

"Tell me a secret?" Lindsey requested, her fingertips tickling the skin on the back of Emily's upper arm. 

"A secret?" Emily gave her a cute little frown, pulling with Lindsey's sleeve covered fingers. 

"Mm, something I don't know about you."

"I will do you one better, tell you something no one but Kelley knows." Emily looked smug, like Lindsey had challenged her somehow. She leaned in closer, even though there was no one around. "Kelley and I had a fling last summer, just before she met Ellie."

Lindsey blinked a few times, glancing up at Kelley over Emily's head, she was laughing along with Mike at something on her phone and, yeah, Lindsey could understand why Sonnett would go there. 

"How was it?" is what came out of Lindsey's mouth. 

"She is totally dominant," Emily said with a little grin, poking Lindsey's forearm. "What about you?" 

Lindsey knew what she was asking, but she couldn't stop herself for teasing. "Am I dominant?" she said with a cheeky little smile. 

"I have a feeling you might be," Emily said, not a hint of a blush or of her being flustered. "But, no. Tell me a secret?"

"Okay," Lindsey hummed, biting the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. "I don't think I'm capable of falling in love."

It was a thought Lindsey had had very briefly during her relationship with Russell, but she hadn't given it much thought after that, she wasn't even sure why  _ that  _ was the first thing that came out of her mouth. 

It seemed to throw Emily a little. "Why?" 

"I don't know, I didn't love Russell, and we were together through high school."

"That's just one person, he might not have been right for you." 

"I've never been in love," Lindsey said. "You'd know, wouldn't you, if you were in love?" 

"I did, I guess."

"You've been in love?" Lindsey tilted her head curiously. 

"In college, with a girl on the team."

"How was it?" Lindsey asked, again, her voice quiet. 

"Amazing, and exciting, and a lot like home." Emily explained. "But sometimes that kinda shit is temporary, sometimes it's like a rush of love, you fall so quick, so hard, that everything just seems to fly by, then you drift apart, doesn't make it any less amazing, or valid, it just means they weren't right for you."

That baffled Lindsey. "How can you love someone who isn't right for you?" 

_ That _ baffled Sonnett. "You don't just fall in love once, Linds. Well, most don't. I think you'll know when you've met someone who you love above everyone else, but you can fall in love before that."

"Then why have I never-?" Lindsey frowned, and Emily gave her hand a little squeeze. 

"Hey, some people only fall in love once in their life, and that's just as beautiful as falling in love multiple times." Emily's voice was sweet, and Lindsey felt whatever panic she was feeling in her chest dissipate completely. 

"Yeah, I guess."

"I was going to ask if you wanted to go grab pizza and come back to my place, but you have your brother."

"Yeah, but we'll have a week together in a few weeks, so we don't want you getting bored of me just yet." Lindsey teased.

"Bored of you?" Emily all but scoffed. "Never."

They left not long after that, dropping Emily and Kelley off at the shack before heading to Lindsey's place, she and Mike deciding to drunkenly put together a pillow Fort and camping in the living room like when they were kids. 

"I'm glad I came," Mike said, both of them teetering on the edge of sleep. "Seeing you here, seeing those guys and how much they care about you? It's comforting, knowing I'm not the only one who wants to protect you."

"I'm the happiest I've ever been here." Lindsey muttered against her pillow. "I'm so happy at Portland."

Mikey hummed, and a few minutes later he was snorting. Young Lindsey would kick him until he stopped, but it was oddly comforting, lulling her to sleep. 

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, it's a long'in.
> 
> it had a road trip, a new puppy, and the classic trope of a food fight in the kitchen.
> 
> Let me know what you think? Thatoneloser-kid.tumblr.com

It was the day before they left for their road trip when Lindsey got the call. She had honestly started to panic, the roster was due late November and it was already the twelfth of December and she had heard nothing. 

She had just gotten off the phone when another call came through. Tobin, telling her she and Chris had been called up. 

As soon as she got off that call she called Sonnett. 

"I'm packing, okay? I'm ticking off the list you made me." Emily greeted with a playful sigh. 

"Is that any way to talk to a future world cup winner?" 

Emily was silent for a few seconds. "You got the call?" 

"Literally a minute or so ago," Lindsey couldn't wipe the grin off her face. "I'm going to the world cup, dude."

"You're going to the world cup, dude!" Emily sounded more excited than Tobin did. "My best friend is going to be an World Cup winner."

Lindsey couldn't not tease her. "I'm your best friend?" 

"Only because you're about to be a world class athlete." Emily hit back easily. "Dude, seriously, I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you," Lindsey hummed, before laughing softly. "I should probably call my family."

"You called me before you called them?" 

"I wasn't kidding when I said I got the call, like, a minute ago."

"Why?"

God,  _ that _ was a question. One Lindsey didn't know the answer to. 

"You were just the first person I called, I dunno. I wanted to tell you." Lindsey shrugged. 

"I think," Emily was sounding a little too smug. "That I'm  _ your  _ best friend, too."

"Okay, I'm hanging up."

Lindsey could hear Emily's laughter as she ended the call. 

\--

They had packed up Emily's truck and were on the road at ten am sharp, per Lindsey's itinerary, which Emily had teased her about when she first saw it. 

Emily was taking the first seven hours between Portland and Boise, then Lindsey took over for the four hours between Boise and Idaho Falls. 

Lindsey felt something loosen in her chest the further they got from Portland, and anxiety that was there consistently, to the point Lindsey had just learned to live with it. 

But between the thought of having time off and Emily singing her God-awful country sounds beside her, Lindsey could feel herself relax.

They reached their first hotel just after half nine that night, both grumbling as they fell onto their separate beds. 

"M'hungry," Emily grumbled against her pillow. 

"You're always hungry," Lindsey shot back. 

"Hey," Emily huffed, pushing herself up to glare at Lindsey, who grinned against her pillow. "I'm a growing girl."

Lindsey snorted. "You wish you could gain a few inches."

"I hate you so much," Sonnett whined. 

"Sure you do," Lindsey pushed herself to her feet, throwing one of her old PSG sweatshirts at Emily. "Look alive, loser, we're going to get pizza and see a few sights."

They ended up grabbing pizza and heading to Snake River, both settling on the grass as they watched the slow flowing river. 

"This river flows through four different states, and is the largest river to flow into the Columbia river." Lindsey said, her cheek resting against her knees as she peered over at Emily. 

"Did you look up interesting facts about Idaho falls?" Emily gave her a crooked little smirk, and Lindsey felt her stomach swoop at the sight of a sleepy, moon lit Emily, dressed in Lindsey's too big sweatshirt. 

"I did, but it made you smile so it feels a little less lame." 

Emily's grin morphed into a soft smile, her shoulder bumping Lindsey's, and she didn't move back after, leaning into Lindsey's side. "You're a dork, Horan.”

They were in bed and asleep by half eleven.

They decided to go walk Hell’s half acre before leaving, taking a few selfies by the bridge, Lindsey taking a load of photos of Emily, both when she was paying attention and when she wasn’t.

Linsdey took the first four hours of the drive to Cheyenne, Emily dancing in the passenger side, and Lindsey had spent enough time in Emily’s car, or at her station, to be able to sing along with some of the country songs Emily was playing. 

It was totally worth it for the huge smile Emily gave her the first time she started singing along.

They stopped at a Denny’s just before getting on US-30.

Lindsey messed around on her phone while they ate, Emily’s feet tapping Lindsey’s in the restless way that had Lindsey exhausted just watching her. Lindsey brought up the photos she had taken that day, one of the two of them, Lindsey crouched down enough that Emily could squish her cheek into Lindsey’s as she grinned widely at the camera. Then she pulled up one of Emily, she was leaning against the old wooden bridge, squinting against the sun as she pointed off to something, smiling back to Lindsey.

Lindsey found herself smiling as she pulled up instagram, clicking for those two photos to be uploaded.

LindseyHoran10: Looking for that waffle house 

She tagged Emily in the photo, and she knew immediately when she saw it, grinning over her phone at Lindsey. “Jerk,” she grumbled.

EmilySonnett: weirdo, taking photos of someone without their knowledge

LindseyHoran10: Not my fault you’re cute 

They finished eating, Lindsey curling up against the door of the truck as Emily drove, her feet tucked under Emily’s thigh. Emily had her head propped up against the door with her left hand, her right hand wrapped around the wheel, her Thorns cap that Lindsey had given her snuggly on her head as she hummed along to something that wasn’t country, for the first time since they left.

Lindsey couldn’t  _ not  _ take a photo.

She pulled up instagram but before she uploaded the photo she decided to look at the comments, she really wished she hadn’t.

There was comments from not only fans but teammates, and Lindsey felt herself panic, quickly pulling up Mark’s number.

Horan [18:43]: Sonnett and I aren’t dating

She knew it was stupid, but she knew what could happen if the head coach didn’t like something about you.

Lindsey started pulling at her sleeves, which seemed to catch Emily’s attention, prompting her to switch hands and give Lindsey’s calf a little squeeze. “Good?”

Lindsey felt herself relax a little, a soft smile pulling on her lips. “Yeah, glad we’re listening to half decent music, now.”

Emily scoffed, giving her leg a little pinch. “You  _ enjoy _ country music.”

Lindsey just rolled her eyes, but didn’t argue.

Mark Parsons [18:56]: Okay?

[18:58]: I don’t care, just don't hurt yourself on this road trip.

Lindsey felt the coil in her chest ease up at those words, and she found herself having to remind herself that this wasn’t France, that she was getting play time here because she was  _ good _ , she was going to the world cup as a starter.

"Okay, we're playing a game." Emily announced. "I read some bullshit thing on twitter, ten questions about new friendships or whatever, I'ma tell the questions and we're going to answer them."

"I'm so glad we're twelve." Lindsey grumbled, laughing when Sonnett pinched her foot. 

"Okay, first question." Sonnett said. "If you're having a bad day, would you want me to leave you alone or try and cheer you up?" 

Lindsey had expected something light, something playful like twenty questions, but this felt heavy somehow. 

"Uh," Lindsey hummed thoughtfully, and, honestly had this been anyone else Lindsey probably would have said to stay away, let her work through the day alone, but there was something so inherently calming about Sonnett being around. It was in her little touches, soft smiles and crinkled eyes, it was the way Sonnett would seem to lean into every touch Lindsey laid on her. "You specifically or people in general?" 

That peaked Emily's attention. "Would the answer be different?" 

"Yeah," 

Emily glanced at her. "Okay, people in general."

"Leave me alone," 

A slow, almost shy smile pulled on Emily's lips as she glanced at her again. 

"You?" 

"I'd want you to try and cheer me up, or at least just be around."

"One for one, looks like we're on track to be the bestest of friends."

Emily laughed. "Okay, do you remember the first thing I said to you?" 

_ That  _ felt like a more than friendly question, but Lindsey found herself nodding anyway. "That it was the third time I'd been down that aisle, and that the boards were pretty but no personality about them." Lindsey rolled her eyes with a little laugh. 

"You didn't laugh when I told that joke the first time," Emily grinned crookedly at her, her free hand resting against Lindsey's shin.

"Because it was lame," 

"Was not," 

"What about you, hot shot? What did I say to you?" 

"What?" 

"What did I-" 

"I know, you said 'what?', and you looked really sleepy and confused and cute. Then I offered to help you out and you said yeah, that you didn't give a damn which 'cause you weren't paying."

"Yeah, okay," Lindsey rolled her eyes. "Don't look so smug, loser."

"Okay, what makes you feel loved?" 

Lindsey was feeling a little overwhelmed by the swing in severity of these questions. 

"Uh, I dunno." Lindsey frowned. "Touches, I guess? I'm not a huge fan of being touched, but when it's the right person, I guess it's different."

"Yeah?" 

"Like, with you, I could be so anxious, working myself up in my head then you'll touch my arm, or leg, and it will all just stop, the rational part of my brain kicks in and it gets better from there." Lindsey admitted, looking up at Emily through her eyelashes, but Emily didn't look at her just giving her leg a little squeeze. 

"For me it's different with other people," Emily said, and Lindsey knew what she meant by  _ other people.  _ People who  _ weren't her,  _ and she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear it. "With other people it's checking in, seeing how I'm doing every so often. But with you, it's like, that too, but also the fact you laugh at my lame jokes, and are  _ always  _ down for my borderline illegal plans, or- or dropping everything to go on a four day  _ road trip _ , you know? "

"Things with me are different?" 

"Yeah," Emily hummed, with a little shrug. "But I've never had a friendship this immediately intense before."

"Yeah," Lindsey hummed. "Yeah, no, me either."

Emily smiled over at her. "Okay, question four."

\--

They didn't stay in Cheyenne for long after waking up, quickly grabbing breakfast hopping into the car and setting off. 

They were on the back roads about two hours out of Cheyenne when Emily quickly sat up, slamming her hand on the dash. 

“Stop, stop,” Lindsey slammed on the breaks as Emily scrambled up in her seat to look out the back window. 

“What the hell, Sonnett?” Lindsey snapped.

Emily didn’t answer, she just grabbed the half eaten sandwich from the floor and quickly hopped out of the car. 

“Em?” Lindsey frowned, quickly unbuckling and following her, stopping when she noticed Emily crouched down a few feet away, holding out the ham from her sandwich. 

Lindsey frowned, following her eye-line to see a small grey and white animal, crouched low as it tentatively edged closer to Emily.

“What is that?” Lindsey whispered.

“Sh,” Emily shushed.

When the puppy finally reached her it sniffed at her before softly taking the meat from her and scurrying backward slightly. 

“It’s okay, we aren’t going to hurt you, buddy.” Emily cooed in a soft voice, holding out more meat. 

“He's hurt,” Lindsey pointed out, eyeing the bloodstained fur on its leg. 

Emily offered the puppy her hand when it took the meat. “We can get you patched up, buddy.” she said in a sweet voice and Lindsey just watched with a soft smile as the dog sniffed unsurely before rubbing her face against Emily’s hand. “Good girl,”

“We are close to North Platte, we can take her to a vet there.” Lindsey offered and the puppy stumbled and limped into Emily’s lap. “How did you see her?”

“I don’t know, I just saw little head.” Emily shrugged, scratching the dogs ears. 

“Good spot, dude.” Lindsey walked over, offering Emily her hand. 

The dog cowered against Emily at the sight of her, but eased up when Lindsey held her hand out for her to sniff. 

“We are about an hour out of North Platte.” Lindsey explained as they climbed into the car, pulling out her phone and typing for a few seconds. “There is a veterinary hospital just off thirty.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

The puppy settled in Emily’s lap, getting blood on her sweats but she really couldn’t bring herself to care. 

Lindsey glanced over, a warm feeling spreading across her chest at the sight of Emily whispering calming words to the puppy as she stroked her fur. 

“What are we going to do with her? When we reach the vet?” Emily questioned, glancing up at Lindsey who quickly returned her eyes to the road. 

“What do you mean?” Lindsey asked. 

“Like, I mean-“ Emily shrugged. 

“Are we keeping her?” Lindsey finished. 

“Yeah, or will we leave her at a shelter.”

“Do you want to? Keep her I mean,” Lindsey asked, glancing over at Emily.

“I do,” Emily hummed.

“Then it’s decided, if she isn’t chipped then she comes with us.”

Emily’s eyes lit up at those words, a slow smile spreading in her lips. “Really?”

“Why not? It might be harder to find places to stay but we've only got, like, a day and a half left.” Lindsey shrugged. “More the merrier.”

The puppy snoozed for most of the journey, stretching out and releasing a little yawn that had the girls ‘awing’. 

The vets was relatively empty when they got there, and a vet accepted them within half an hour. 

The vet checked over the puppies leg, determining it was just a superficial cut, probably caused by it getting tangled in something, she then checked for a chip but didn’t find one. 

“We are in contact with a few non-kill shelters.” She said. 

“No, we want to keep her.”

“Oh, well we will have to give her a full check up. And if you take her home that means paying for all the treatment today, which comes in at around one hundred and fifty dollars.”

“That’s okay,” Lindsey assured, giving the dog's head a little scratch. 

The vet did a full check up, determining that, other than her leg, the dog was fit and healthy, and definitely less than a year old. 

They paid, before heading to the pet store next door.

Lindsey let Emily take the lead when it came to the collar and leash, and after deliberating between two she settled on a grey collar with little dinosaurs on it and a matching lead. 

They got a large bag of food, a few toys and a bed, as well as a doggy toothbrush and toothpaste, a flea collar and a car dog bed..

“I wonder if she is house trained.” Emily tilted her head as she watched the dog, sitting at Lindsey’s feet, scratching behind her ear with her hind leg.

“Most likely not.” Lindsey said. “She is probably a stray.”

“Can I name her?” 

“He’s yours, Em, you found her, and I would never have time for a puppy.” Lindsey said with a little laugh.

“Dope, her name is bagel.”

Lindsey groaned, reaching down to pet the dog. “I’m sorry bud, I can’t save you from her.”

"Bagel bits," 

"Oh, god." Lindsey laughed. 

They hit the road, already an hour behind schedule, and usually, Lindsey would stress out about that, but this time she didn't. 

But she had her window down, warm evening air hitting her hand as she let it hang out the truck. She had Emily in the drivers seat, both of them singing along to the music blasting through the old truck. She had a puppy sitting quite content in the back seat, enjoying the wind against her face, howling with Emily whenever Emily poorly hit a high note. 

She had never been more content. 

“So, what do you say we don’t get a hotel tonight?”

Lindsey frowned at Sonnett. “Huh?”

"Carry on past Kansas City, park up somewhere and just sleep in the bed of the truck, I have a blow up mattress in the back somewhere, and a few blankets." Emily offered, glancing at Lindsey. "The stars will be beautiful."

"Doesn't it get cold at night?" 

"About fifty degrees," Emily shrugged. "We don't  _ have  _ to, but I thought it sounded nice, just spend the night outside, look at some stars."

"No, it absolutely does, I just wish you'd suggested this road trip in summer instead of the fuck end of December." Lindsey laughed. "No, I'm up for it, and if it is too cold I don't mind sleeping in the front seat and driving up to the next motel afterward."

Sonnett flashed her this bring smile, and honestly, the prospect of freezing to death was worth it if  _ that  _ was the reaction she got from her. 

They pulled up about an hour after Kansas City, Emily driving them a little off the road, so a passing car that wasn't purposely looking for them wouldn't see them. 

She hoped out of the car to set up the mattress in the bed of the truck while Lindsey wandered a short distance with Bagel, who kept checking over her shoulder, as if to make sure Emily and Lindsey were still there. 

After the short walk and the bed was inflated, they settled in the back, Emily on her front, propped up on her elbows, Bagel snug in the space under her chin, and Lindsey on her back, one arm tucked under her head, the other holding her phone. 

She couldn't not snap a quick photo, catching the moment Emily placed a tender kiss on the puppies head. 

"Your phone is gonna be full of photos of me, dude." Emily said without looking up. 

"I'm okay with that," Lindsey shrugged. 

Emily rolled her eyes, giving Lindsey a little smile. "Sap," 

"Hey, I've been meaning to ask." Lindsey found herself reaching out for Emily's arm, tickling the skin there. "I'm heading to Denver for christmas, but I was wondering if you want to come for new years. I understand if you're busy, it is kinda short notice, but I'd like to show you the town I grew up in."

Emily eyed her for a second and, not for the first time, Lindsey would give anything to know what was going on inside her head. Then she gave Lindsey a little smile. 

"Yeah, that sounds dope, actually." Emily hummed. "I will need to get a return ticket, fly back and get the car."

"I couldn't even come with you on the way back, camp starts on the fifth."

Emily scoffed, waving her hand. "You are a world cup winner in training," 

Lindsey rolled her eyes at that. "You don't even know if I'll get decent minutes."

"Please," Sonnett scoffed. "You're Lindsey Horan, dude, they'd be dumb  _ not  _ to start you most games."

Lindsey watched her for a second, her face illuminated but the little camping light she had hanging from the back window. "How are you always so-" 

Emily's eyebrows raised questioningly. "What?" 

"You act like I can do  _ anything."  _

Emily nodded. "Yeah, I believe if you put that brain of yours to work that you can do anything." Emily admitted, her shoulders lifting in a little shrug. "You're totally brilliant, anyone who gives you passing glance could see that."

Lindsey smiled and, stupidly, got a little tearful. "Thank you, I-" 

She was a little in awe of the fact that Emily knew her well enough to look away, to not acknowledge the fact Lindsey was getting emotional. Which, sure, Lindsay would usually prefer, would prefer if it was anyone else other than Emily. 

"Em," Lindsey whispered, prompting Emily to look up at her. "Seriously,  _ thank you."  _

Lindsey knew that Emily knew that thank you wasn't just for what she had said. It was for constantly being in her corner, for always being there for her, for pulling her out of bed and out of the house most days, for picking her up when she was upset, for making her laugh. For being her best friend. 

"You're welcome, Linds." Emily smiled that soft smile that Lindsey knew she was falling for, catching the one and only tear that escape with her knuckle. 

"Sorry," Lindsey let out an embarrassed little laugh. 

"Nah, no worries." Emily said, her smile turning teasing. "You're still incredibly pretty."

Lindsey huffed out a laugh, punching Emily's arm. "Fuck you, Son."

Emily moved to lie on her back, Bagel huffing as she was forced to rejig herself, lying in the space between them, though it wasn't much of a space, with their bodies pressed together. 

"I'm glad we met, you know?" Lindsey whispered. 

"Me too," Emily smiled over at her. "Life is definitely better with you in it, Horan."

"And I'm the sap," Lindsey rolled her eyes playfully, lifting her phone to snap a photo of the two of them, with Bagel lying between them. 

"You've seen what people are saying, right?" Emily said, watching Lindsey as she pulled up Instagram. 

"Yeah," Lindsey glanced over at her. "Are you worried about it?" 

"No, but I wasn't sure if you might be."

Lindsey slowly shook her head. "No," 

"Okay," 

Lindsey clicked the photo and the one she took of Emily and Bagel a few minutes previous. 

LindseyHoran10: stargazing ft. Our new travel buddy, bagel #Somewhereonthesideoftheroad #Sonnetnamedhernotme #bagelbits

Kelleyohara: you guys got a kid already? 

TobinHeath: that's a whole other level of u-hauling 

Lindsey chewed her lip, staring up at the clear sky as she spoke. "The coach and owner of PSG were homophobic."

If Emily was surprised by the sudden admission she didn't show it, simply taking ahold of Lindsey's hand, waiting for her to continue. 

"Her name was Adele, we met by the Seine one night. I'd had a rough day, PSG weren't playing me, and I  _ knew  _ it was because I wasn't pretty enough, or I didn't have the body shape the other girls had, and I was upset so I went for a walk. I spent an hour just  _ staring  _ out at the water, watching the boats go by." Emily gave her hand a little squeeze. "she came up beside me and offered me half of her pastry and started speaking super quick in French, and I was just learning so I caught none of it, which she knew from my confused face. Then she started speaking English, she asked why I was upset, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. She was a stranger, she wasn't going to judge and if she did what did it matter?"

Lindsey paused, licking her lips as she braced herself to speak again, and Emily waited, tilting her head to rest against her shoulder.

"I told her about the club, and the meeting about 'ideal body shape' for soccer, the hair appointment. How all of that--how I ended up- I started throwing up after meals, and training to the point of exhaustion, how a passed out a few times." Lindsey took a breath, ignoring the fact the Emily was  _ much  _ more tense beside her. "She took me home, and looking back now I realise how dumb that is, going home with a stranger, but she was pretty and seemed like she  _ cared,  _ so I went. We talked all night, and I kinda liked her, so I kissed her before I left early the next morning, we started seeing each other after that."

"A pretty French girl, way to go, Horan." Emily murmured and Lindsey let out a watery laugh. 

"It was fun, and exciting but it fizzled fast, and then someone found out. I got pulled in by the owner of PSG and he  _ warned me,  _ said if I kept seeing her I wouldn't see any play time, and that I'd be let go at the end of the season. And it was fine, I wasn't invested in Adele anyway, and she was the same, no bad blood, we're still friends, actually. But there was just a heaviness after that, they forced me back with Russell, and some played made horrible comments in the locker room and the only person who seemed to be on my side was Tobin, but then she moved to Portland, so I was alone, and young, and afraid, and spiralling."

"How long after did you move to Portland."

"Two years. And those were the worst two years of my life, I missed out on a lot because of PSG, then I had to get knee surgery, it wasn't a good time for me. I got really aggressive, nasty. I was horrible to everyone around me, I was the worst person to be around." Lindsey shook her head. "The times I  _ said  _ to people, Em. God, I hate myself when I think about it."

"That doesn't define who you are, though." Emily said. "You were struggling, and that doesn't excuse it, but it wasn't  _ you _ ." 

"I dunno, sometimes I wonder."

"Well, I think the fact you  _ know  _ you were horrible says a lot about your growth as a person."

Lindsey moved her arm, nudging Emily slightly, and Emily seemed to get it, lifting her head to rest on Lindsey's chest, allowing her wor wrap an arm around her. 

Bagel grumbled at the movement, moving to lay at their feet.

"I know this doesn't mean much, but I think you're really pretty." God, Emily didn't know just _how much_ that meant to her.  "You're my favourite person, Linds."

"Yeah," Lindsey whispered against her head. "And you, I." she said playfully, and Sonnett let out a little laugh. 

"Loser." she murmured, and Lindsey could feel the tightly wound spring in her chest uncoil.

\--

They reached St Louis just after midday, Emily complaining about being hungry, how she hadn't eaten in  _ days  _ (Lindsey gently reminded her that she had just finished a bag of chips on her own), so they settled in a waffle hour, Bagel tucked into Emily's zipper.

"So, I wanna go to the botanical Gardens and the zoo." Emily said through a mouthful of Waffle. 

"You are disgusting," Lindsey said with a fond smile. "But that sounds good." 

They finished up their food and headed for the gardens. 

Emily held Bagel for most of it, with his leg still bothering him. They wandered aimlessly around the gardens, and it was beautiful, the sun beating down on them, and Emily was all smiles and soft kissing on Bagel's head. 

After the gardens Lindsey drove then to the zoo, and if she thought Emily was giddy in the gardens she was on a whole other level in the zoo. 

They strolled slowly around the large zoo, Emily getting excited about the African dog, and the penguins, and  _ of course  _ a butterfly landed on her nose when they got into the butterfly house. 

Lindsey managed to get a photo of a confused looking Emily, squinting down at the insect on her nose while Bagel stared at it with a tilted head. 

Looking down at that photo, and the scene in front of her, made Lindsey's chest flutter in a way that terrified her. 

"Looks like you got yourself a girlfriend, Son." Lindsey grinned, wrapping an arm around her after the butterfly flew away. 

"I am a chick magnet." 

They stayed in red rock way longer than Lindsey expected, and by the time they left the zoo it was almost closing time and it was pretty obvious the three of them were hungry. 

They decided to find a dog friendly hotel and stay the night, but not before grabbing take away food and curling up on the double bed, because apparently they were past getting their own beds at this point.

"Last day tomorrow,” Emily said, snagging the crusts Lindsey was leaving uneaten on her side of the box.

“Of driving, you still have me for a whole day in Atlanta.” Lindsey rolled her eyes.

“Then we have New Year, I won’t see you for months after that.” Emily sighed dramatically, flopping against Lindsey when Bagel bounded up the bed toward them.

“Bagel, no.” Lindsey warned in a stern voice, shielding the pizza from the excited puppy. “And you will see me early-February you drama queen. It is less than four weeks.”

“That’s basically a lifetime,” Emily moved again, practically on Lindsey’s lap at this point. “What will I do without my best friend around?”

“What do you usually do when I’m not around, Son.” Lindsey said, narrowing her eyes when Emily smirked up at her. She knew exactly what was coming next. “Don’t. Don't say it.”

“I wait for you to come back,”

“Oh, fuck off.” She laughed, smacking Emily’s side before letting her hand slide across her stomach, resting there. “If I promise to FaceTime you every other night will you stop being so dramatic.”

“I guess,” Emily sighed, a little smile on her lips as she looked up at Lindsey. “I’m so excited to hear all about it.” 

“I will be sure to keep you updated.”

“Since I was a kid this is what I wanted to do, go to the world cup.” Emily admitted. “Guess I will just have to live vicariously through you.”

“You did?”

“Mm,” Emily hummed. “I played soccer since I was a kid, I went to Virginia U to play, but my senior year I blew out my knee, there was no way I was going to play again. That’s actually how I met Kelley, she found me outside a physio in Atlanta crying, she had went through the same thing but with her ankle.”

“Fuck,”

“Yeah,” Emily hummed. “I haven't played since, not anything more than on the beach. I don’t surf much, either.”

“I’m so sorry, Sonnett.”

Emily shrugged. “It’s the risk you take I suppose. I stayed home for a few months after that, me and Kelley talked a bit, then she called me one night, and we were friends but not  _ close _ , and asked if I wanted to move to Portland and help out with the shop she was opening.”

“And you said  _ yes?” _

“What was I gonna do? Stay in my hometown? I didn’t  _ have  _ a back up plan, and that was as good as any.” Emily shrugged. “I’ve been there ever since.”

“And you’re happy?”

“I am.” Emily nodded. “Sometimes I wonder, you know? What if, and when it first happened, god, I was so depressed, but I had to pick myself up, I couldn’t live on what if’s.”

Lindsey nodded. “You’ve always been so supportive, I don’t know if i could be, if it was the other way around.”

“You would be,” Emily didn’t show any sign of hesitation in those words. “And I’m so proud of you, I can’t  _ not  _ be supportive.”

Lindsey smiled, rubbing her hand against Emily’s stomach in a comforting gesture. “Thank you for telling me.”

“I’d tell you anything if you asked.” 

“Oh, that’s a lot of power there, Son.” Lindsey grinned playfully.

“I trust you not misuse such power.”

“Stupid decision, really.”

\--

The last stretch to Emily’s hometown Emily drove, and Lindsey could feel herself get more nervous the closer they got, which was dumb, it wasn’t like she was being introduced as her girlfriend, she was just her  _ friend,  _ but this felt important.

By the time they reached Marietta it was just after eleven, and Emily grabbed all the bags while Lindsey grabbed Bagel and his things, both of them creeping into the home, expecting Emily’s parents to be asleep.

They both startled when Emily’s mother appeared in the hallway as soon as they closed the door, a big smile on her face. “Emmy,” She smiled, pulling Emily in for a hug, but quickly pulled back, cupping her daughter's face. “Have you been wearing sunscreen while you are working?”

“Yes, mom.” Emily grumbled, and Lindsey couldn’t help but watch with a soft smile as the woman fussed over her daughter.

“And have you been wearing your mask when painting?”

“Mom,” Emily whined, and Lindsey laughed, which seemed to catch the woman's attention. 

“Oh, and you must be Lindsey, the future world cup winner.”

“Hopefully,” Lindsey smiled, tilting her body so they didn’t squish Bagel when the woman hugged her. 

“Emily has told me so much about you, how was the trip? Who is this little furball?”

“Oh, she has?” Lindsey smirked over at Emily, who rolled her eyes.

“That’s Bagel Bits, mom, we found her on the side of the road.”

“Emily named her, right?” Jane said, giving Lindsey a knowing look.

“Unfortunately.”

“Well, come in, do you girls want tea?”

“I think we are going to head to bed, mom, it’s been a fun, but long four days.” Emily gave a tired little smile. “I thought you would be asleep?”

“I couldn’t, I haven’t seen you in months. Your pa is snoring on the sofa.” She laughed softly. “Do you want me to set up Emma’s room for Lindsey or?”

She glanced between the two of them, and Lindsey knew what she was thinking, what she was implying, but Emily obviously didn’t, waving her mother off.

“Nah, it’s okay, we don’t mind sharing.” She assured, and Lindsey didn’t miss the way Jane smiled slightly at them.

“No problem, girls, goodnight.”

They dropped their bag onto the floor, quickly brushed their teeth, and crawled onto Emily’s childhood bed, which, thankfully, was a double, her parents having the foresight to know what she and Emma would be crawling into each other's beds often.

Emily curled up against Lindsey’s side.

“Don’t think I’m not going to look at every photo in this room and tease you for it. I’m just too tired right now.”

“Looking forward to it.” Emily murmured against her shoulder, and Lindsey could tell she was already falling asleep.

Emily’s breathing evened out not long after that, and she began twitching in that way she always did when she had just fallen asleep. Lindsey figured it should be weird that she knew that small detail about her.

Lindsey was messing around on her phone when there was a faint knock on the door, and Jane popped her head in a few seconds later, her mouth open like she wanted to say something, but a smile stretched across her lips at the sight of the girls.

“I made hot chocolate, it used to help the girls sleep when they were kids, but it looks like she doesn't need any help with that.”

“The drive was fun but exhausting,” Lindsey said.

“Do you want your cup?”

“Mm, would be a shame for it to go to waste.” Lindsey thanked the woman when she placed the mug on the bedside table. “Thank you, Ms Sonnett.”

“You’re welcome, Honey.” She smiled. “And call me Jane, please.”

Lindsey nodded.

“We usually put up the Christmas decorations with the girls, so when we found out Em was coming for Christmas we decided to wait. We are going to put them up tomorrow.”

“That sounds like a lot of fun,” Lindsey said, her fingers unconsciously raking through Emily’s hair, her hand stalling when Jane noticed.

“Good night, Honey.” 

“Night, Ma’am.”

Jane smiled knowingly before disappearing.

Lindsey sipped on her hot drink as she raked her hand through Emily’s hair, she fell asleep not long after placing the empty mug on the bedside table.

\---

Emily dragged her out of bed too early the following day, forcing her to get dressed quickly before pulling her downstairs to deal with her father -who was acting a little too much like a protective father for him to actually believe she was just Emily’s friend- in her sleepy state. Lindsey just managed to stumble her way through the protective father questions, and was half done with her coffee before Emily was dragging her out of the house to her pickup.

“Em, where the fuck are we going?” Lindsey grumbled, grabbing the ball cap from Emily’s head and putting it on her own, shielding her eyes from the sun.

“I wanna show you my favourite place in all of the city.”

That turned out to be a soccer field. One tucked away in the far end of a large park, just past tree lines. It wasn’t even grass, it was red ash, with wonky posts and barely visible lines.

“I spent so many nights here when I was a kid, the fact that it was ash didn’t stop me, I’m so sure I still have a few of the little stones under the skin on my knee.” Emily said wistfully, dropping the ball and kicking it to Lindsey, who easily controlled it.

“You wanna play?”

“Go easy on me, I am but a simple country girl.” Emily said in a strong country accent, and Lindsey stupidly felt herself swoon.

“Oh, I know that’s not true.” Lindsey grinned, rolling the ball beneath her feet.

“Excuse me? You city girls are so rude.”

Lindsey laughed, and they began playfully scrimmaging.

Now that Lindsey was aware of Sonnett’s past with football, she watched her more attentively, and she could see now that she just screamed defender.

They were getting tired, both moving to go the same direction, causing them to collide, Lindsey’s hands coming up to grab Emily’s waist, while Emily gripped onto her arms, still giggling.

“Sorry,” Emily said, and Lindsey’s giggle died in her throat, because they were close, super close, their bodies pressed together and Emily wasn’t  _ that  _ much shorter than her, so their faces were close, too. She could tell by the way Emily’s smile slackened that it had hit her now, too. “Hey,”

Lindsey felt a smile pull on her lips, a smile that she  _ knew  _ was only reserved for Sonnett. “Hey.”

They just stared at each other for a moment, at least until Emily’s eyes wandered, down to her lips, lingering briefly before she looked up again, and Lindsey really thought she was going to kiss her, but after a few tense seconds Emily snagged the ball and rushed off.

Lindsey took Emily being distracted by juggling the ball to calm her thundering heart.

They settled on the grass by the pitch after a while.

“You know, I brought my first girlfriend here one night, because neither of our parents knew we were gay.”

“Woah, bringing me to your hookup spot, Son, classy.” Lindsey teased, and Sonnett kicked her leg. “What happened?”

“We were fifteen,” Emily shrugged. “I was so focused on soccer that I didn’t see her much, anyway, but it was nice while it lasted. She married now, and her and her wife live in Nashville.”

That made Lindsey smile. “That’s sweet.”

“Mm, what about you? High school girlfriend?”

“Not really my girlfriend, but I did see a girl for about a week, she was the reverend’s daughter, her father caught us in the confession box one night.” Lindsey said. “Last I heard she was married to some politician's son, she got shipped off to some camp after her family found out about us.”

“Shit, that's rough.”

“I started seeing Russell the following year, we were together until about four months before you and I met.”

“And you were happy with him?”

“I think-” Lindsey hummed thoughtfully. “I think I was content with him.”

"Contentment isn't happiness." 

"I know," Lindsey hummed. “But it was safe, it was someone in my corner. I was somewhat heartbroken after the breakup, but mostly because I was losing my high school friend. I dunno, I guess I realise now that you can feel safe with people if you let them in.”

Lindsey peered over at Emily, who was watching her with a little smile.

This felt dangerous, something about this whole day has felt dangerous, there was a weird heaviness over them, or at least over Lindsey, she wasn’t sure if Emily was feeling it, too.

“Anyway, yeah,” Lindsey shrugged, turning her attention to the treeline. “How many other girls have you brought here?”

“Just Jessie and you.” Emily hopped to her feet. “Lets go, we’ve got a few more stops to make before my mom forces us into the Christmas spirit.”

Emily took her a tour around town, showing Lindsey spots from her childhood.

(“I had my first kiss there, under the slide. I was five, he was sticky.”

“That’s the tree I fell from and broke my collarbone!”

“I swam in that fountain for a dare once, the police took my home.”

“There is a story about a witch living in a shack just down this river.”)

They stopped off at Emily’s favourite milkshake bar, both settling on the edge of the bed of the truck.

“Thank you for showing me around,” Lindsey said, bumping her shoulder against Emily’s.

“You will just have to do that same when I come to you at New Year.” Emily leaned into the touch, and, against her better judgement, Lindsey wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close.

“Thank you for coming with me,” Emily whispered. “It wouldn’t have been as fun without you.”

“Thank you for inviting me,”

They stayed there for a little over an hour before heading back to the house, Bagel greeting them at the door.

“Hey, little Bagel,” Emily scooped him up, kissing his face.

Then it was a whirlwind of decorations, and ugly Christmas sweaters (Lindsey wearing Emma’s, which was a little too small for her), and Emily’s mom had Lindsey lift Emily to put the star on top of the tree, which seemed to embarrass Emily, and that only made her want to do it more.

Lindsey laughed even harder when she saw the photo Emily’s father had taken, of Lindsey with her arms wrapped low around Emily’s waist, lifting her off the floor, a big smile on her face, while Emily was reaching out as if to put the star on the tree, a mix of a scowl and smile on her face, Bagel in a playful bow at Lindsey’s feet.

“You guys are honestly ridiculous, we haven’t done that in years.”

“Because you kids are too big for your ma and I to lift these days, and you guys can’t lift each other high enough.” Her father said, clapping a hand on Lindsey’s shoulder. “But we have a jock with us this year, we thought it would be a shame not to.”

Emily looked between her father and Lindsey, both looking mischievous and a little smug. “Oh, god, the last thing I need is you two being friends.”

They settled on the sofa to watch a few christmas movies, all sipping on their drinks, byt the time her parents called it a night, and Lindsey and Emily started building the gingerbread house they head, they were more than a little tipsy.

Their arms were tangled together as they tried to put the house together, Lindsey holding the walls while Emily tried to use the icing to glue them together.

“Stay still,” Emily scolded.

“I’m super still, you are taking forever.” Lindsey shot back.

“I’m making it  _ perfect _ ,” Emily scoffed.

It was then she got Icing all over Lindsey’s hand.

They both paused, both staring at the mess all over her hand.

“You did that on purpose.” Lindsey huffed.

“Did not,”

Lindsey let go of the walls, causing them to slip slightly, sitting crookedly. “You did.” She said, smearing the icing on Emily’s cheek. “Now  _ that _ was an accident.”

“It was not!” Emily snapped, then she was squirting icing at Lindsey, who laughed, quickly ducking out of the way, using what she had left on her hands to smear on Emily as she tried to dance out of the way.

Emily blocked her, and Lindsey wasn’t really surprised, she was a natural defender after all.

They struggled for a short while longer, but it ultimately ended with Emily pinned against the counter by Lindsey’s body, Lindsey with the now empty tube of icing, both panting, both smiling.

“I think you just wanted to have a food fight.” Lindsey whispered, her entire body feeling a little hot.

“You do look cute covered in icing.” Emily grinned that stupidly cute crooked smile, and Lindsey was overcome by the  _ need  _ to kiss Emily.

So she did, pressing herself a little closer to Emily watching her carefully, looking for any indication that she should back off, but Emily’s eyes fluttered slightly, landing on her lips. Lindsey took that as an indication to go ahead.

The kiss was tentative at first, Lindsey bracing herself to be pushed away, because Emily didn’t kiss her back at first.

Then Emily’s hand slid up her arm to her neck, her fingers curling around the back of Lindsey’s neck, pulling her closer, and Lindsey felt herself melt a little inside.

The kiss grew more heated, Lindsey pressing herself impossible close, her hands sliding under Emily’s sweater, they stayed like that for a few minutes, but then Emily started tugging at her sweater, so Lindsey pulled away, her eyes dark as she looked down at Emily, with her swollen lips and wide eyes.

“Do you want to go upstairs?”

Lindsey could  _ hear  _ Emily swallow, and she nodded quickly, grabbing the front of Lindsey’s sweater and dragging her up the stairs.

All of this was just too easy.

Kissing Emily was easy, falling into bed with Emily was easy, having Emily grip her hair while she went down on her was  _ easy _ , cuddling Emily was easy.

Sleeping afterward? Not easy.

Having Emily snoring against her chest, dressed in Lindsey's old high school soccer tee? Not easy.

The idea of having to deal with this tomorrow was terrifying, the idea of being here when Emily woke up was terrifying.

It was terrifying and Lindsey's was a coward.

So, at six am, Lindsey quietly slipped out of the bed, grabbing her bag that was mostly packed, but she knew she would be leaving a few things behind, but she couldn’t really bring herself to care.

She gave Bagel a little scratch before getting a Lyfe to the airport, six hours before she was even due at security.

She got a few messages from Emily just after eight, asking where she was, if she was okay, they all went unanswered.

Tobin [09:02]: What did you do?

[09:03]: Emily texted asking if I had heard from you, that you left early for your flight

[09:03]: What happened?

Horan [09:04]: Nothing, I just didn’t want to be late, the flights are unpredictable this time of year

Tobin [09:06]: Bullshit, what happened?

Horan [09:07]: It’s none of your business tobin. Lay off.

She didn’t get a reply to that, and she was thankful for that.

She turned her phone on airplane mode before even getting on the plane, not wanting to deal with any more questions from anyone, looking forward to losing herself in Denver, at least for the time being.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Christmas passed in a blur of extended family, and small kids, and Lindsey was happy for the distraction of her niece and nephew, especially when she got a text from Emily wishing her a Merry Christmas, even after Lindsey had ignored every one of her texts and phone calls. 

Tobin tried to push, even Kelley got in touch, but they backed off after a while, Lindsey was sure that Emily had  _ told  _ them to leave it. 

Her brother noticed the difference in her, how checked out she was, the fake smiles and the early nights, he asked and she told him. He gave her a sympathetic smile and told her it wasn't fair to Emily for her to do this, and she  _ knew  _ that. She had typed out a few messages but she was too much of a coward to send them. 

The closer she got to new year's eve the more anxious she got. Was Emily still coming? Lindsey wasn't sure if she wanted her to or not. 

She got a message from Emily on the twenty eighth. 

Sonny [16:58]: I don't think it's a good idea for me to come for new year 

[16:59]: I hope you're having a good holiday, Linds. 

Lindsey felt a mixture of relief and heartbreak at that message, thankfully at that moment her nephew threw himself into her arms, giving the perfect distraction. 

It was the two nights before she left for California for camp when she noticed the photo Emily had uploaded to Instagram three days prior -she hadn't touched social media much, there was too many comments about herself and Sonnett, it hurt too much-. Emily was grinning at the camera, Bagel in the passenger side of the truck, she had Lindsey Tee on, and she looked tired. 

EmilySonnett: See ya soon Portland #Notthesamewithonlythetwoofus

She didn't get the chance to wallow on the photo, because her door opened and her mother slipped into the room, smiling softly at her. 

"Hey, mom." her voice was gruff, she knew she was close to crying. 

"Is everything okay, sweetie?" she said, taking a seat on the bed beside her. "You have been a little off this visit." 

Lindsey pulled at her sleeves, shrugging her shoulders. "Nervous about camp, I guess."

Her mother hummed, and she knew she didn't believe her. "You can tell me anything, you know? I don't like seeing you hurting."

Lindsey chewed on the inside of her cheek for a second. "I met someone, mom, and I like them a lot but I don't--I'm not- they are  _ good _ , mom."

"And so are you, Lindsey."

"I'm not right now," Lindsey whispered. "I just- I'm not in the right headspace for anything like that right now. But I was so horrible, I just  _ left  _ and I have ignored all the messages and calls."

"I'm sure she will understand when you explain everything to her."

Lindsey's eyes snapped to her mother, who smiled sweetly at her. 

"Mike?" 

"No, honey. I have seen your Instagram, both yours and Emily's, I would have to be blind not to see it."

Lindsey felt a little laugh of relief leave her lips as she ducked her head. 

"It's okay, honey, we don't care, we just want you to be happy."

"I know you don't care, I'm just…  _ so scared." _ Lindsey sighed. "I don't wanna hurt her, mom, and I know I will. I'm going to mess this all up, and I'm going to break her heart and- she's so great, she deserves better."

"Now, I don't know what has caused this, Linds, but you are a fantastic human being."

"I wasn't, though. In France, when I got surgery and missed the world cup the first time. She  _ saw  _ it, you  _ know  _ how awful I was." Lindsey could feel herself get a little more panicked, tears stinging her eyes. "What if I slip back into that person? What if I'm horrible to her, she doesn't deserve that."

"Honey, you were a kid then."

"It was only two years ago."

"Yeah, and two years is a long time at your age." she said with that motherly smile. "Even then, you weren't a horrible person, you were struggling, but you have grown as a person, you understand where you went wrong back then."

Lindsey nodded. "I just left, mom. We kissed and I just took off, I haven't spoken to her since."

"Do you want to talk to her?" 

"She's my best friend," 

"Then everything will work out if you just talk to her," 

Lindsey knew she was right, she should call Sonnett right now and  _ beg  _ for her to forgive her. 

"You need to work on yourself, honey. You have some things that  _ you  _ need to work through, and I agree that bringing someone in right now wouldn't be wise, but just ignoring her like this? That isn't the way of going about it."

Something about what her mother had said that ignited something in her chest. "Do you think I can get a flight tonight?"

"I think you can try," her mother smiled softly, "Why don't you go downstairs and spend time with your brother and father? I will sort out the flight."

"Thank you, mom." Lindsey wrapped her arms around her mother. 

"She seems sweet. Cute, too."

"Okay," Lindsey laughed, pushing herself off the bed. "You will meet her eventually, if she forgives me."

"Just be honest and she will."

Lindsey spent the next few hours with her family, before rushing to the airport for the last minute flight her mother had managed to wrangle. 

She didn't actually land until just after eleven thirty, and by the time the Lyft dropped her off at the beach it was already after midnight. 

She was glad to see the truck parked outside, part of her had been worried that Emily still wouldn't be back from Atlanta. 

But then the anxiety set in as she stood in front of the shack, quickly knocking before she chickened out. 

There was a long stretch of nothing, and Lindsey almost left, it was late after all, Emily was probably asleep, or not home at all. She moved to head back to her car when she heard the chair rattle. 

Then Emily was there, wrapped up in Lindsey's too big Portland Thorns sweatshirt, one eye closed and the other squinting. "Lindsey?" she said, her voice gruff with sleep. "Are you okay? Shouldn't you be in Denver?"

"I don't think I'm good enough." Lindsey admitted quickly, before she could back out. "For Portland, for the national team, for the world cup, or Olympics." Lindsey paused, her eyes welling up. "For you."

"Linds," Emily sighed, reaching out for her but Lindsey shook her head, quickly stepping back as she sniffed. 

"That's why I ran, they why I haven't called, not because I don't want you, but I know I'm not good enough, I'm a mess, Son." Lindsey tugged at her sleeves and wrapped her arms around herself, she could feel a few tears fall. "I know I'm going to mess this up like I do everything else and I don't want to do that to you."

"Lindsey, slow down." Emily ordered in a soft tone, and it wasn't until then that Lindsey realised just how laboured her breathing was. "You're kinda close to having a panic attack, Horan."

"I can't - I don't-" 

"I know," Emily hummed, and Lindsey genuinely believed she did, even if Lindsey didn't. "Can I come closer? Touch you?" 

Lindsey gave a jerky nod, wrapping her arms a little tighter around herself as a sob escaped her throat. 

"Oh, Linds." Emily sighed, her hand finding Lindsey's cheeks. "You have no idea how great you are, do you?" 

Lindsey could feel her bottom lip quiver, her whole chest shaking as she tried to prevent another sob, tried to  _ breathe.  _

"And I'm not even talking about your game, I'm talking about you, as a person." Emily said, using her thumb to wipe away Lindsey's tears. "God, Lindsey, you are incredible. These past months, spending time with you, have been some of my favourite months of my life, because being around you makes me feel like I'm special, like I must have done something great to have a girl as sweet as you giving me attention."

Lindsey couldn't speak, could only stare at Emily with tearful eyes. 

"And what have you messed up?" Emily said. "You went to Paris straight outta high school, you're on the national team, and one of the best club teams in America, the world, even. You got there, some shit happened along the way, but you didn't mess anything up, you're on top, dude. You're going to the fucking world cup, you are the front of the equal pay fight, you have so my young girls looking up to you, watching you out there playing and realising that that can be them."

"I'm not like Tobin, or the other girls, I'm not-" 

"You're not." Emily agreed. "You're fighting the fight differently from those guys, but you are making the path easier for young girls in the future and I think that is the greatest thing."

"You really think that?" 

"I think you're fantastic," Emily whispered, and Lindsey could see it in her eyes, how true that was. "I feel safe around you, like I could take on anything and it wouldn't touch me. When I tell a shit joke I don't care if anyone else laughs as long as you laugh, and you laugh every time, even a pity laugh." Lindsey felt a laugh bubble in her chest, though it came out as more of a sob. "Being around you is so  _ easy  _ because I know that you aren't judging me. You are so inherently good, Linds, just because you had a shit time in the past and dealt with it poorly does  _ not  _ take that away." 

"I don't want to hurt you," Lindsey sniffed. 

"I can't say you won't, just like I can say I won't hurt you but, come on, Horan, you gotta feel this too." Emily motioned between the two of them. "And, I dunno, I think we are kinda perfect for each other." 

Lindsey felt the corner of her lips lift into a soft smile. "Yeah, we kinda are."

"Do you want to come in?" Emily offered, "My bed is still sleep warm, if you hurry we can get some sleep before the sun comes up."

Lindsey could feel her whole body relax, and with that came the feeling of exhaustion. "That sounds nice," 

"Dope," 

Emily locked up again, before leading Lindsey upstairs and into her bedroom. 

Bagel waiting at the top of the stairs, her whole body wagging at the sight of Lindsey. 

Lindsey gave her attention, before Emily sent her to get bed. 

"Oh, and I also forgot to mention," Emily murmured against the top of her head after they had settled in bed, Lindsey's head against Emily's chest. "You are, like, so unbelievably hot."

Lindsey playfully pinched her side, tilting her head up to look at Emily. "I like you, Em, so much, but I need time. I'm going to talk to someone, get better with all this, be in a mind frame where I can be good for you."

Emily's smile was a mixture of soft and proud. "Take all the time you need, Linds."

"Can I- mean, can I kiss you? Just once, just quick, then I will never ask again."

Emily laughed softly, her fingertips tickling Lindsey's jaw as she leaned in, kissing Lindsey, slow and deep, and Lindsey felt herself humming against her lips. 

Then she was crying again, prompting Emily to wipe her cheeks with her thumb. “I'm so sorry, Emily."

"I know you are, bub." Emily whispered. "I forgive you, I  _ understand." _

The anxiety that had been pushing down on Lindsey’s chest for over a week now ease up, a long sigh leaving her lips as she melted against Emily.

“You go to Cali tomorrow, right?”

“Mm,” Lindsey hummed. “My mom changed my flight to five tomorrow afternoon.”

“Do you want to get lunch tomorrow? Then maybe get coffee at the airport?”

“That sounds nice,” Lindsey hummed, “Where’s Bagel?”

“She sleeps in the living room, I’ve been crate training her, apparently that helps with anxiety, and she is super anxious.”

“Really?”

“Mm, huge separation anxiety, but we are working on it.” 

\--

Emily woke her up the following morning with a mug of coffee and a soft smile, sitting on the edge of the bed while Lindsey sat up.

“How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” Lindsey hummed, accepting the mug, but couldn’t pull her eyes from Emily, who still looked sleepy, her bun messy, fly away hairs sticking out in all directions, her face lit up by the small amount of sunlight pushing through the curtains. 

“What?” Emily smiled, lifting her own mug to her lips, her hands covered by the sleeves of her sweater -of  _ Lindsey’s  _ sweater- and Lindsey’s stomach fluttered.

“You’re just really pretty.”

“I’ve already made you coffee, Horan.”

"I just- I so want to kiss you right now. And I know I can't, but you just look-" Lindsey let out a little sigh. "So  _ good." _

"Sweet talker." Emily palmed her off, but Lindsey can  _ see  _ she's blushing. 

They go for lunch, sitting a little closer than friends would in the booth, chatting and giggling before heading to the airport, waiting in the coffee shop just outside of security to wait for Tobin and Christen. 

Lindsey had Emily all up trapped against the wall of the booth, arm thrown over the back of the seat, body turned entirely toward her. 

"How are you  _ really  _ feeling?" Emily asked, her body angled toward Lindsey's, their thighs pressed together, Emily's fingertips, picking at the thread of Lindsey's torn jeans. "This is your first world cup." 

"I'm-" Lindsey thought about lying. Telling her she was fine, but this was Sonnett, she didn't feel like she  _ needed  _ to lie. "I'm so nervous, dude. I've played with these girls before, you know? But never on this level. I didn't get called up for the Olympics 'cause I was in Paris."

Emily nodded. "I think nerves are good, they'll push you to work harder. But I don't think you should be worried."

"Right, it's just camp."

"That's not what I mean." Emily said in a soft voice, her palm flattening against Lindsey's thigh. "Sure, you're drafted, you're going to the World Cup, but I mean you don't need to worry about not feeling good enough."

The way Emily says it, like she's not sure if she's crossing a line or not, made Lindsey drop her hand to Emily's, giving it a little squeeze. 

"There's something in the way you play, I've never seen anything like it. You're fast, and you are  _ so strong _ , honestly it's like you were  _ made  _ to be a midfielder." Emily said with a little laugh. "But  _ that _ , that mix of things, coupled with your love for the sport. Dude, you're about to become unstoppable."

There's something in Emily's tone, admiration, awe, and the way she was looking at her? Well, Lindsey can't really be blamed for slowly moving in to kiss her, and Emily didn't seem to mind. 

But, of course, she didn't get the chance, when Tobin's voice rung through the small cafe. 

"Horan!" 

Lindsey slowly turned her head, they bodies so close she could feel Emily's breath against her cheek. 

Tobin was grinning that big, obnoxious grin and Christen was watching them with a soft smile. 

"Hey, guys."

"This is the part where you say it's not what it looks like." Tobin grins and Christen gives her a little warning nudge, but her giggle completely nullifies that.

Lindsey turned her head back to Sonnett, who give her a little smile, and that's pretty much all she needs. "it's exactly what it looks like, actually."

She can feel a shift in Sonnett, and when Lindsey looked at her she had the softest look on her face, and Lindsey knew she'd done the right thing. 

"Finally." Lindsey had expected Tobin to say something, so was surprised when it was Christen that spoke up. "God, it was  _ torture  _ watching you two."

Tobin laughed at the perplexed look on both girl's faces. "You guys  _ knew _ ."

"Aw, come on, dude. Neither one of you were really discrete." Tobin laughed. "God, Kelley was ready to  _ murder  _ one of you."

Lindsey was a little surprised, turning to Emily who was nodding slowly. "She probably would have murdered you, I think she likes me better."

" _ That's  _ what you focus on out of all of that?" Lindsey grinned. 

"Right, we're going to get a coffee then head to security, say your goodbyes, kids."

They sat there for a few minutes, then Emily drained the rest of her drink as they stood, Lindsey walked her to the door. 

"It's gonna be weird here without you." Emily admitted. 

"It's less than four weeks." Lindsey gave her a little smile, giving her hand a little squeeze. "I'll be back before you know it."

"Keep me updated about how amazing it is?" 

"I'll FaceTime you every night." Lindsey said, before shrugging. "Well, most nights."

Emily laughed "Go get'em, Horanimal." 

Lindsey scowled playfully at her. "That's a new one," 

Emily flashed her a sweet grin. "Like it?" 

"No." 

"Perfect," she said with a little smirk.

There was a moment of nothing but shy glances, when there was a clicking noise. "Just kiss her and get a move on, Horan."

She glanced back at Tobin, who was sipping on an iced drink, fingers still clicking. 

Her face was bright red, and even Sonnett looked a little bashful. 

"I'm not going to kiss you, but I am going to hug you."

Emily accepted that, wrapping her arms tight around Lindsey's midsection, her head fitting snugly under her chin. 

"You are going to absolutely beast this, Horan."

"I hope so," Lindsey murmured against the top of her head, planting a kiss there before parting. 

"Text me when you land," 

"Clingy," Lindsey teased, flashing her a soft smile before heading off toward Tobin and Christen. 

She was so happy that she wasn't even annoyed at Christen and Tobin's teasing. 

Camp was intense, but Lindsey thrived under that kind of intensity. She was doing  _ well _ , getting along with everyone, and every night when she got into bed she would facetime Sonnett to tell her about her day (she was thankful that she got roomed with Tobin, who spend most nights in with Christen and Mal), and most nights she would fall asleep on as Emily told her stories, and would wake up with a screenshot of her drooling, and a sweet message wishing her good morning. 

\--

Sonny [07:39]: I've been thinking about you a lot 

Attached to the message was a link to a song, Lindsey almost didn't open it, knowing it would be something country, but then she spotted Justin Bieber in the title. 

_ Do you love the rain? Does it make you dance _

_ When you're drunk with your friends at a party? _

_ What's your favorite song, does it make you smile? _

_ Do you think of me? _

_ When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'? _

_ Everything, I wanna know it all _

_ I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more _

_ Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours _

Lindsey saved the song to her playlist instantly. 

\--

Sonny [16:45]: Something about this song made me think about you. 

This one  _ was  _ country, but Lindsey opened it anyway, the song flooding through her earphones. 

_ Not everybody loves _

_ Getting caught at red lights _

_ They got no one to lean on to _

_ But I do _

_ You don't know _

_ How many times a minute you cross my mind _

_ And I don't know _

_ What I did so right _

She grinned so wide that the entire locker room started teasing her. 

Then she caught Tobin's eye, she was giving her the softest smile, and Lindsey can't remember a time her heart felt this full. 

\--

Lindsey sent Sonnett a song this time, one she heard on Morgan's playlist. 

Horanimal [10:25]: I can't wait to see you 

_ You got all of my attention _

_ And you ain't even trying _

_ Yeah, you're my kind of different _

_ And I never seen nothin' _

_ Nothin' like you _

_ Shades on spinning in a summer rain _

_ Dancing when there ain't no music _

_ Just the right kind of crazy, baby _

_ Something about you _

_ Rockin' that rock 'n roll t-shirt _

_ Whole party dressed up _

_ But you just doin' your thing _

_ Ain't nobody ever seen nothin' like you _

Sonny [10:30]: you found a country song I didn't know? How! 

[10:31]: I miss you, bub

\--

Sonny [23:38]: not long now 

Lindsey didn't get the message until the next morning, opening the song as she got ready for the third last session of camp. 

_ Girl you know I love talking to you on the phone _

_ And I could listen to your sweet voice all night long _

_ Sometimes I can get by, with a sweet dreams baby good night, _

_ But this time, well I don't wanna spend it alone _

_ So I'm coming over, I hope it's alright _

_ Listen for me pulling into your drive _

_ Look out your window, you'll see my lights _

_ Baby girl I gotta see you tonight _

_ The way the breeze is blowing, blowing _

_ Got me wishing I was holding, holding _

_ Holding you so tight under that porch light _

_ But girl I gotta see you tonight, tonight, tonight _

_ Girl I gotta see you tonight, tonight, tonight, yeah _

_ Got a couple hundred pictures of your beautiful face _

_ On my phone, on my dash, all over the place _

_ But I would drive a million miles _

_ Just to see your little smile in real life _

_ And baby it's worth the drive, _

_ You're worth the drive _

Lindsey was on fire during that training session. 

\--

She left camp with a whole bunch of numbers and new Instagram follows, and Lindsey felt like she was genuinely going to miss these guys she had just spent four weeks with, but she was excited to get home. 

She ended up in the window seat, with Tobin and Christen to her left. Christen was asleep when Tobin turned to her, giving her a little nudge, prompting her to tak her headphones off. 

( _ Maybe _ she was listening to the playlist Sonnett made for her.) 

"You were amazing this camp, dude. I have no doubt you'll be starting during this thing." 

Lindsey smiled down at her hands. "Thank you. I really feel like I was making an impact, you know?" 

"For sure." Tobin nodded, eyeing her for a second before smiling. "You seem lighter, dude."

"I'm happy." Lindsey hummed. "I have an appointment with a woman on Tuesday, to try help."

Tobin gave her thigh a little squeeze. "Proud of you, kid."

Emily and Kelley met them at the airport, and Lindsey had expected to have an armful of Emily, but was surprised when she had to drop her bag to catch Kelley, stumbling backward slightly. 

"Does Em look pissed?" Kelley whispered against her arm. 

"Uh," Lindsey peered at Emily, who looked less than impressed. "Kinda." 

"You're lucky you fixed this, kid." it sounded like a threat, and judging from the fake, cutting smile Kelley gave her when she dropped to her feet, it was. "Good to see you, Horan."

Lindsey heard Tobin call Kelley a jerk, but she was too focused on Emily to pay any mind, wrapping her arms tightly around her shoulders. 

"Missed you," she murmured against the top of her head. 

"Missed you, too." Emily gave her a squeeze before pulling back. "Bagel is waiting for you in the car."

"Now,  _ he's  _ the one I'm most excited to see." Lindsey laughed when Emily shoved her playfully away.

"Being a world cup athlete really changed you." 

They said their goodbyes to the rest of the group, Lindsey trailing tiredly behind Emily, but immediately perked up when she saw Bagel's dumb face squished against the half opened window. 

She jumped all over her, entire body wiggling in excitement, Licking all over her face. 

But then Emily told her to sit, and she was on hee butt immediately, her tail still going mad. 

"That's impressive," Lindsey scratched behind her ear. 

"She's very clever." Emily hummed. 

Lindsey let herself sleepily lean into Emily as they drove to her place, scratching the top of Bagel's head, the quiet sound of something definitely country flowing through the speakers. 

She let out a little sigh when they reached her place, cuddling closer to Emily. 

"I'll help you in with your bag," Emily whispered against the top of her head. 

Lindsey shook her head, tilting her head back to peer up at Emily. "Stay?" 

Emily looked down at her for a second, thinking it over. "Fine, but only because you have more expensive coffee, superstar."

Lindsey rolled her eyes, scooping Bagel up and carrying her toward the apartment. 

They ended up curled up on the sofa, Lindsey laying almost completely on Sonnett's chest, Bagel lying on the back of the sofa. 

She could feel her entire body just relax, to the point where she was teetering on sleep before the opening act of Pinocchio even finished. 

"When do you start playing? I know club football starts in April, too." Emily asked, raking her fingers through Lindsey's hair. 

"The world cup doesn't start until July, we head to France on the first of July." Lindsey explained sleepily. "Club football starts in April, we have out first match on the fourteenth. But we have a few friendlies with the national team, too. We're heading to Pennsylvania for a friendly with Japan on the twenty-eighth. Then we have the SheBelieves Cup on the lead up for the group stages of the world cup."

"You're gonna be super busy, Superstar."

"I'm excited," Lindsey hummed. "It will be good to get out there as part of the National Team, you know?" 

"I'll be watching every game, might even get a Jersey with your name and number on it, depending how you play against Japan." 

Lindsey pinched her side at the playful teasing. 

\--

Training with Portland seemed more fun, somehow, she wasn't sure if it was because she was in a better head space or if the camp had rejuvenate her love for the sport. 

Training hadn't long finished, she was still sweaty and gross, barely had a drink of her water bottle when she glanced up to see Bagel rocketing at her. 

It wasn't until she was closer that she realised she was wearing what looked like half a kids national team jersey and half a portland jersey that Emily had probably sown together and gotten 'Horanimal' printed on her back, with her national team number. 

"I know you are number seven at Portland, it's very inconvenient, actually."

Lindsey grinned up at her, only to see Sonnett in similar get up scratching Bagel's tummy. "She's so cute, you are both so cute." 

Tobin took a photo do the three of them, Sonnett on one knee beside her, using her thumbs to point at the name on the back, grinning up at Lindsey, who was smiling wide, mid eye roll, Bagel in her arms. 

LindseyHoran10: got some crazy fans out there 

EmilySonnett: your favourite fans, horanimal

Lindseyhoran10: @Emilysonnett do NOT try and make that a thing! 

EmilySonnett: It's already a thing, pal

\--

Lindsey completely broke down her first session with her therapist, which totally threw her, she thought she was doing okay, she thought she was happy. 

Then this stranger started asking questioned, and she seemed to know the  _ exact  _ questions to ask, because she had Lindsey talking about France within half an hour, had her sobbing in forty-five minutes. 

Lindsey was exhausted come the end, collapsing into her sofa after getting home, curling around the little microwaveable elephant Emily had gotten her as a 'replacement for her' while she was in France. 

She was just snoozing on the sofa when her phone chimed. 

Sonny [16:43]: I'm at your door with food and snacks

[16:44]: I know you had that thing today, so I understand if you want to be alone. Just say so and I will leave the food at the door. 

Lindsey dragged herself off the sofa, wrapped in her Nike sweatshirt, sleeves pulled down over her hands as she opened the door. 

Emily looked a little surprised when she opened the door, a soft, almost sympathetic smile pulling on her lips, Bagel waiting patiently at her feet. "Hey, Linds."

"Hey," she knew her voice was gruff from crying, her face was probably red and puffy, too, but she couldn't bring herself to care, not in front of Emily. "Do you want to come in?" 

"Sure," Emily grabbed the food, and Bagel took that as a go ahead to hop up into Lindsey's waiting arms. 

Emily gave her space, which she was thankful for, both tucked up on the sofa, the only part of their bodies that were touching was Emily's cold feet against her thigh, but it was all the comfort Lindsey could take right now. 

Emily set up Robin Hood without even asked, handing Lindsey a plate of her favourite food from her favourite takeaway place. 

A warm feeling bloomed in her chest as she watched Emily sit beside her. This girl had taken the time to learn and remember her favourite take away order, remember her favourite Disney movie as a child, remember the little miscellaneous things that Russell would never have bothered to learn. 

Emily glanced over at her, doing a double take when she noticed Lindsey already staring at her. Emily's soft smile hit her square in the chest, her hand gently squeezing Lindsey's calf. "Good?" 

"Yeah, I'm good." 

Emily nodded, getting a little more comfortable as they settled in. 


End file.
